Canticles of the Unhomed
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Where Has the Time Gone?
Has it really been that long since I have blogged. Oh, my poor readers! How devastated you must have been without my musings! (If only.)
Much has happened, and I have been barely able to touch a keyboard, let alone organize my thoughts into something resembling coherency. So I guess I'll just fill everyone in.
1. The Pastor of the Sol Cafe has resigned. Last Sunday he announced that effective Jan 16 he would no longer be our pastor. Much turmoil ensues. Our community is already reeling from internal tension and full of hurting people (nothing unordinary about that) and many people are leaving or thinking about leaving. Rob feels tired and burnt out. He has been doing Sol Cafe fulltime for six years, and he and his family can do no more. This leaves a considerable leadership vacuum in Sol Cafe, and has forced us to ask the question, "Can we survive without Rob?" If the answer to that is no, then it might be more healthy for us to just end it.
This is tough for me, since Sol Cafe is the first church, including the one I pastored, that I truly care about. But, you know what? I'm tired too. I am not sure that I want to continue. I know that the coming months at Sol will eat my soul alive, but the alternative is worse. So I am neatly trapped. IN the meantime, since the announcement of Rob's resignation, I have been busy meeting with people to gauge feelings and try to encourage and motivate people to think and pray more deeply about what Sol Cafe means to them, where they see the hand of God, and where their own committment is. This has been difficult and draining for me. As for my own heart, I am prepared to go either way. If Sol ends, I can walk away with a measure of peace. If Sol continues, I am willing to commit everything to making sure it works, to rebuilding our community. However, a friend told me that to expect change without changing our behavior is absurd. That is a good point. How can expect Sol to be better this time without making a fundamental change?
2. Earlier this fall I hurt my back really badly. I was bed-ridden for almost a month. I literally could not move, they were going to operate on my back, etc. During that month, NO ONE came to see me, NO ONE called. I felt utterly isolated, completely alone. It got to the point where I had a breakdown. Of course, I never called anyone to come over, and Shirley did come over plenty of times, and she called and so on. However, no one else from my church did. That really hurt me. Shirley has noted that since I have recovered from the injury I have changed in some way, that somehow this injury has really affected me. When she said that I really resonated with what she was saying. I could feel the difference in me twixt the summer and now. I didn't like it. I don't like what I have changed into. So it forces me to ask, how have I changed? How is this affecting everything from my relationship with Shirley to Sol Cafe, to my job, writing and so on? Not to mention my spiritual life. And most importantly, how do I get beyond it? Shirley suggested that the cause was that I felt utterly betrayed by the community. For me community has always been the core of my beliefs, and my beliefs about community form the core of my relationship with God. When that is betrayed, when that trust is proven misplaced, or wrong, it shakes everything. Perhaps I am feeling the effects of this. And as we seek to rebuild our community, what does that mean for me?
3. On a lighter note, the sequel is off the ground, at least I will meet my publisher's deadline for the end of this month; it won't be done, but I will have 5000 words for her. Of course, it will be shit, but at least there will be 5000 words of shit. We can work on that from there. I have decided that to gain a new hold on this project I have to ignore the sequel for awhile and focus on something else. I have been contacted by a sci-fi magazine called Neo-Opsis to write a short story for them. I think I can crank it out here in a couple of weeks. I think that will be a good creative vacation. In the meantime I have an artist friend of mine working on 3d models of the ship from the first book. They are incredible. He sent me some drafts today.
So, now I think things will begin to slow down, so I hope I will be able to blog more regularly.
Much has happened, and I have been barely able to touch a keyboard, let alone organize my thoughts into something resembling coherency. So I guess I'll just fill everyone in.
1. The Pastor of the Sol Cafe has resigned. Last Sunday he announced that effective Jan 16 he would no longer be our pastor. Much turmoil ensues. Our community is already reeling from internal tension and full of hurting people (nothing unordinary about that) and many people are leaving or thinking about leaving. Rob feels tired and burnt out. He has been doing Sol Cafe fulltime for six years, and he and his family can do no more. This leaves a considerable leadership vacuum in Sol Cafe, and has forced us to ask the question, "Can we survive without Rob?" If the answer to that is no, then it might be more healthy for us to just end it.
This is tough for me, since Sol Cafe is the first church, including the one I pastored, that I truly care about. But, you know what? I'm tired too. I am not sure that I want to continue. I know that the coming months at Sol will eat my soul alive, but the alternative is worse. So I am neatly trapped. IN the meantime, since the announcement of Rob's resignation, I have been busy meeting with people to gauge feelings and try to encourage and motivate people to think and pray more deeply about what Sol Cafe means to them, where they see the hand of God, and where their own committment is. This has been difficult and draining for me. As for my own heart, I am prepared to go either way. If Sol ends, I can walk away with a measure of peace. If Sol continues, I am willing to commit everything to making sure it works, to rebuilding our community. However, a friend told me that to expect change without changing our behavior is absurd. That is a good point. How can expect Sol to be better this time without making a fundamental change?
2. Earlier this fall I hurt my back really badly. I was bed-ridden for almost a month. I literally could not move, they were going to operate on my back, etc. During that month, NO ONE came to see me, NO ONE called. I felt utterly isolated, completely alone. It got to the point where I had a breakdown. Of course, I never called anyone to come over, and Shirley did come over plenty of times, and she called and so on. However, no one else from my church did. That really hurt me. Shirley has noted that since I have recovered from the injury I have changed in some way, that somehow this injury has really affected me. When she said that I really resonated with what she was saying. I could feel the difference in me twixt the summer and now. I didn't like it. I don't like what I have changed into. So it forces me to ask, how have I changed? How is this affecting everything from my relationship with Shirley to Sol Cafe, to my job, writing and so on? Not to mention my spiritual life. And most importantly, how do I get beyond it? Shirley suggested that the cause was that I felt utterly betrayed by the community. For me community has always been the core of my beliefs, and my beliefs about community form the core of my relationship with God. When that is betrayed, when that trust is proven misplaced, or wrong, it shakes everything. Perhaps I am feeling the effects of this. And as we seek to rebuild our community, what does that mean for me?
3. On a lighter note, the sequel is off the ground, at least I will meet my publisher's deadline for the end of this month; it won't be done, but I will have 5000 words for her. Of course, it will be shit, but at least there will be 5000 words of shit. We can work on that from there. I have decided that to gain a new hold on this project I have to ignore the sequel for awhile and focus on something else. I have been contacted by a sci-fi magazine called Neo-Opsis to write a short story for them. I think I can crank it out here in a couple of weeks. I think that will be a good creative vacation. In the meantime I have an artist friend of mine working on 3d models of the ship from the first book. They are incredible. He sent me some drafts today.
So, now I think things will begin to slow down, so I hope I will be able to blog more regularly.
:: written by Matt Thompson, 3:46 PM
1 Comments:
Matt, I'm reminded that there was another episode in church history when there was a leadership vacuum. And then as now it is a challenge to move out of the familiar and comfortable (okay, maybe things aren't always comfortable just because they are familiar) and see what the lay of the land is. The phrase "strategic mapping" comes to mind. We will learn the lay of the land as we go over it. Personally I'm praying that Sol will continue - in some form - and be a spritual well on Whyte Ave.
Joe, who appears to be "Anonymous" because I forget passwords...
Joe, who appears to be "Anonymous" because I forget passwords...
