Canticles of the Unhomed
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
On Love
These are the words of Kahlil Gibran:
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Houseness
So I invented a new word: Houseness.
As most of you know, Sunday last we baptized MacKenzie. There was several points throughout the day that I experienced a moment of pure "Houseness." Its a little like a moment of zen, when everything comes together, and everything is just clear, at peace, and exactly as it should be. One of the moments was when Chuck and I worshipped with the McKernan Christian crowd during songs like "I Stand in Awe of You," and "Spring Up a Well" - oldies but goldies.
Another was when the band was practising and Chuck and Paul kicked phat on didge and djimbe during "Come Thou Fount." Ahhhhhh yeah.
Another was when we all, some new faces, some old, gathered in the round and took communion together. Communion has come to carry such heavy, heavy spiritual weight with me. I used to be able to take or leave communion. Once a month was fine. Now, I need it every week.
Another was when Erika spontaneously came and played congas with us.
Another was when we gathered within arm's reach of MacKenzie and together we baptized him. Not from afar, but right there.
Another was when we all gathered around Mack, laid hands on him and conferred God's blessing on him as one body.
Another was when we were hanging in the backyard, tossing balls and frisbees, helping people with their homework, eating burgers and smokies and destroying barbeques.
Another was when the five of us sat in the living room and worshipped to the simple strains of the didge, djimbe and guitar; watching Chuck, eyes closed, hands raised in worship, lost in the didge.
There is a dream that is the House; an ideal, a hope, a fantasy of a quality of life, faith and practise. These moments of "Houseness" represent pure moments when that dream stepped across the threshold and for a few precious moments, became reality.
All of us, in our far-flung communities, whether they be in Edmonton, Saskatoon, Washington DC, Lethbridge or Montreal, need to look for those moments of "Houseness" or "Conversationness" or whatever the case is. God grants us these moments to remind us that "the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay." It is easy to be discouraged; to begin to think of failure. Especially leaders. It is the nature of our condition that we suck. But, our Master is good; he takes care of us. When the Master grants us these moments, use them to remind yourself and your community of the path that our Master has called you to.
Check out the House blog for the details of the baptism.
As most of you know, Sunday last we baptized MacKenzie. There was several points throughout the day that I experienced a moment of pure "Houseness." Its a little like a moment of zen, when everything comes together, and everything is just clear, at peace, and exactly as it should be. One of the moments was when Chuck and I worshipped with the McKernan Christian crowd during songs like "I Stand in Awe of You," and "Spring Up a Well" - oldies but goldies.
Another was when the band was practising and Chuck and Paul kicked phat on didge and djimbe during "Come Thou Fount." Ahhhhhh yeah.
Another was when we all, some new faces, some old, gathered in the round and took communion together. Communion has come to carry such heavy, heavy spiritual weight with me. I used to be able to take or leave communion. Once a month was fine. Now, I need it every week.
Another was when Erika spontaneously came and played congas with us.
Another was when we gathered within arm's reach of MacKenzie and together we baptized him. Not from afar, but right there.
Another was when we all gathered around Mack, laid hands on him and conferred God's blessing on him as one body.
Another was when we were hanging in the backyard, tossing balls and frisbees, helping people with their homework, eating burgers and smokies and destroying barbeques.
Another was when the five of us sat in the living room and worshipped to the simple strains of the didge, djimbe and guitar; watching Chuck, eyes closed, hands raised in worship, lost in the didge.
There is a dream that is the House; an ideal, a hope, a fantasy of a quality of life, faith and practise. These moments of "Houseness" represent pure moments when that dream stepped across the threshold and for a few precious moments, became reality.
All of us, in our far-flung communities, whether they be in Edmonton, Saskatoon, Washington DC, Lethbridge or Montreal, need to look for those moments of "Houseness" or "Conversationness" or whatever the case is. God grants us these moments to remind us that "the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay." It is easy to be discouraged; to begin to think of failure. Especially leaders. It is the nature of our condition that we suck. But, our Master is good; he takes care of us. When the Master grants us these moments, use them to remind yourself and your community of the path that our Master has called you to.
Check out the House blog for the details of the baptism.
Another Kindred Spirit
Hey, you should check out my new friend Kelly's blog. She is working with a group in Washington DC called "the Conversation," who are on a similar path as the House. She's also a not-so-closet movie fan. Check my link section, or go here.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
On Pain
These are the words of Kahlil Gibran
And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Collynda!
Everyone should check out my buddy Collynda's blog. She is an old friend of mine from Bible College, and she knew me when I was young and dangerously foolish.
She is now a respectable missionary in Montreal, but I remember the time she... well, I'll save that for some other time... :)
Her blog is in my link section, and also here.
She is now a respectable missionary in Montreal, but I remember the time she... well, I'll save that for some other time... :)
Her blog is in my link section, and also here.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Mackie's Gettin' Wet!
MACKENZIE'S GETTING BAPTIZED!!
here's the info:
Sunday, June 26th, 2005
McKernan Chrisian Church
11304-78 Ave NW
5:00 ish PM
with festivities to follow at Paul and Debbie's place.
BE THERE!!
here's the info:
Sunday, June 26th, 2005
McKernan Chrisian Church
11304-78 Ave NW
5:00 ish PM
with festivities to follow at Paul and Debbie's place.
BE THERE!!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Waiting
... and so I wait...
On Self Knowledge
These are the words of Kahlil Gibran:
And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Props to Estelle
Estelle, I am blown away everytime I look at my blog. You did such an amazing job! You rock!
Check her blog here.
Check her blog here.
Stuck Again
So I am on retreat. I am in self-imposed isolation for a few days to think about some stuff. That is not to say that if you want to hang out with me, you can't call me or come by.
Writing that "Stuck" post a few days back made me think about some stuff.
1. I really like my life. I sleep well, which as some of you know was a major thing for me. I don't worry about the future. I no longer feel dread when considering ministry. When I am quiet, my thoughts are ordered and still.
2. I like the rhythyms of my life. I enjoy the amounts of time I have to devote to the House, my writing, and general philosophizing. I try to work out in the mornings, write and pray in the afternoon, and devote my evenings to people. Every once in a while I pull a shift at Dabar, where I get to meet more people. This type of rhythym makes sense. It forces me to live a very simple lifestyle, since not having a 9-to-5 job, and depending on my writing for my income forces me to face certain economic realities. But, I am content.
3. I am in a good place in my relationship with God. My master has been good to me. He has blest me overwhelmingly with an ongoing sense of his presence, and insight into his character. I feel I am being at once supported, propelled and defined by my Master. To what end, I don't know, but I am content with that as well. My master knows his business. I believe he has blessed me with my share of adventure, and now is content to just teach me to breathe. Breath is life; air is a gift from God.
4. My master has impressed me with a mission; nothing as glamorous as going overseas or anything like that. I am being lead into some kind of role with Wycliffe Bible Translators, which is strange considering my admittedly tenuous relationship with linguistics. (just ask me to pronounce some greek and you'll know what I am talking about) I impressed with the sense that I must work in some way that goes beyond the scope of my immediate community. As well, I will be working with the Edmonton Food Bank, sorting food or sweeping floors, or answering phones or whatever they would have me do. There is a good chance that I will find my way onto a Habitat for Humanity crew sometime this summer. Likewise, I have been communicating with UNICEF to find someway I can help with the Indonesian Tsunami relief; possibly some speaking or writing. (Props to Shirley for getting me thinking in that direction)
5. All that's fine and good, and will keep me busy, but I have also been thinking of a community where the House can incarnate ourselves. As many of you know, the financing for our purchase of the Fulton house has been delayed until we officially become a member of the Evangelical Free Church of Canada, which will happen in the fall. This is a great opportunity, since it gives us the chance to consider where in Edmonton we would like to be planted. What type of community are we being called to? Do we stay in the Whyte Ave area and minister to street people and students? Or Millwoods, and minister to immigrants and ethic minorities? Or maybe downtown to serve inner city needs? Or Terwilligar and ministter to the rich people? It is to this that I have been giving my greatest amount of thought. Where are we needed? What can we give? What would be the best for the people in my congregation? Those of you who can, please pray for Chuck and I as we seek this out.
And yet... something must be done about these other, darker things that serve to distract me or hold me back - that keep me "stuck."
But my master is good. I am content that he will support me, propel me and shape me to take care of these things. So, I wait. My master has done well in teaching me this skill.
Writing that "Stuck" post a few days back made me think about some stuff.
1. I really like my life. I sleep well, which as some of you know was a major thing for me. I don't worry about the future. I no longer feel dread when considering ministry. When I am quiet, my thoughts are ordered and still.
2. I like the rhythyms of my life. I enjoy the amounts of time I have to devote to the House, my writing, and general philosophizing. I try to work out in the mornings, write and pray in the afternoon, and devote my evenings to people. Every once in a while I pull a shift at Dabar, where I get to meet more people. This type of rhythym makes sense. It forces me to live a very simple lifestyle, since not having a 9-to-5 job, and depending on my writing for my income forces me to face certain economic realities. But, I am content.
3. I am in a good place in my relationship with God. My master has been good to me. He has blest me overwhelmingly with an ongoing sense of his presence, and insight into his character. I feel I am being at once supported, propelled and defined by my Master. To what end, I don't know, but I am content with that as well. My master knows his business. I believe he has blessed me with my share of adventure, and now is content to just teach me to breathe. Breath is life; air is a gift from God.
4. My master has impressed me with a mission; nothing as glamorous as going overseas or anything like that. I am being lead into some kind of role with Wycliffe Bible Translators, which is strange considering my admittedly tenuous relationship with linguistics. (just ask me to pronounce some greek and you'll know what I am talking about) I impressed with the sense that I must work in some way that goes beyond the scope of my immediate community. As well, I will be working with the Edmonton Food Bank, sorting food or sweeping floors, or answering phones or whatever they would have me do. There is a good chance that I will find my way onto a Habitat for Humanity crew sometime this summer. Likewise, I have been communicating with UNICEF to find someway I can help with the Indonesian Tsunami relief; possibly some speaking or writing. (Props to Shirley for getting me thinking in that direction)
5. All that's fine and good, and will keep me busy, but I have also been thinking of a community where the House can incarnate ourselves. As many of you know, the financing for our purchase of the Fulton house has been delayed until we officially become a member of the Evangelical Free Church of Canada, which will happen in the fall. This is a great opportunity, since it gives us the chance to consider where in Edmonton we would like to be planted. What type of community are we being called to? Do we stay in the Whyte Ave area and minister to street people and students? Or Millwoods, and minister to immigrants and ethic minorities? Or maybe downtown to serve inner city needs? Or Terwilligar and ministter to the rich people? It is to this that I have been giving my greatest amount of thought. Where are we needed? What can we give? What would be the best for the people in my congregation? Those of you who can, please pray for Chuck and I as we seek this out.
And yet... something must be done about these other, darker things that serve to distract me or hold me back - that keep me "stuck."
But my master is good. I am content that he will support me, propel me and shape me to take care of these things. So, I wait. My master has done well in teaching me this skill.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Postsecret
I found this on Jason's blog. You NEED to check it out. It is a blog, where people anonymously send in postcards with their deepest secrets on them, and then they are posted on this blog. I went through them, and i could not believe how many of my own secrets were there.
Postsecret
Postsecret
Tagged
Well, I got tagged by JB, so here goes:
How Many Books Do I Own?
I am going to say around 300, if I count the books I gave to Fred on "extended (read: never getting them back) loan".
Last Book I Bought?
"The Dark Tower" - Stephen King - incredible example of "atmospheric writing"
"The Clowns of God" - Morris West - interesting look into the politics of the Vatican with a fair bit of latter-day apocalyptic mysticism. Interesting read.
"The Essential Kabbalah" - Daniel Matt - a primer of sorts to old-school Jewish mysticism.
Last Book I Read?
"On Writing" - Stephen King - damn, this is good. Anyone who has even THOUGHT about writing should have to get a license to do so, and reading this book should be part of the test.
"Imitation of Christ" - Thomas A Kempis - classic... 'nuff said
"The Prophecies of the Third Age" - trans. Dr. Harold Juniper - research
"Reimagining Spiritual Formation" - Doug Pagitt - As we say at the House: Bible Part Two.
"A Generous Orthodoxy" - Brian McLaren - I am such a bandwagon jumper
"The Da Vinci Code" - Dan Brown - what can I say? It was a fun read.
5 Books that Meant Alot to Me
1. Lectures to My Students - Charles Spurgeon - this book taught me alot about the obligation of the pastor/teacher.
2. Memory, Sorrow and Thorn - Tad Williams - probably the most influential fiction as far as my writing style is concerned.
3. Celebration of Discipline - Richard Foster - he started me on my journey; this boo
k taught me to look past the trappings of evangelical christianity and help me get a sense of our mystical tradition
4. The Rule of St. Francis, Friars Minor - St. Francis of Assisi - this tiny book formed much of my thinking about rythyms of life and simplicity.
5. The Purpose Driven Church - Rick Warren - just kidding. everyone check your pacemakers. :)
5. The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran - I have no words to describe the elegant, otherworldly profundity of this man's words. Pure, pure art.
Honorable Mentions:
The Collected Lyrics of Rich Mullins - yeah, I know its not a book, but what can I say? Don't like it, go back to Russia.
Devotional Classics - Richard Foster Ed. - incredible primer of two thousand years of lectio divina.
Wow. That was a cool exercise. Thanks for tagging me, Jay.
I tag... Chuck, Joe, and Paul.
This is fun.
How Many Books Do I Own?
I am going to say around 300, if I count the books I gave to Fred on "extended (read: never getting them back) loan".
Last Book I Bought?
"The Dark Tower" - Stephen King - incredible example of "atmospheric writing"
"The Clowns of God" - Morris West - interesting look into the politics of the Vatican with a fair bit of latter-day apocalyptic mysticism. Interesting read.
"The Essential Kabbalah" - Daniel Matt - a primer of sorts to old-school Jewish mysticism.
Last Book I Read?
"On Writing" - Stephen King - damn, this is good. Anyone who has even THOUGHT about writing should have to get a license to do so, and reading this book should be part of the test.
"Imitation of Christ" - Thomas A Kempis - classic... 'nuff said
"The Prophecies of the Third Age" - trans. Dr. Harold Juniper - research
"Reimagining Spiritual Formation" - Doug Pagitt - As we say at the House: Bible Part Two.
"A Generous Orthodoxy" - Brian McLaren - I am such a bandwagon jumper
"The Da Vinci Code" - Dan Brown - what can I say? It was a fun read.
5 Books that Meant Alot to Me
1. Lectures to My Students - Charles Spurgeon - this book taught me alot about the obligation of the pastor/teacher.
2. Memory, Sorrow and Thorn - Tad Williams - probably the most influential fiction as far as my writing style is concerned.
3. Celebration of Discipline - Richard Foster - he started me on my journey; this boo
k taught me to look past the trappings of evangelical christianity and help me get a sense of our mystical tradition
4. The Rule of St. Francis, Friars Minor - St. Francis of Assisi - this tiny book formed much of my thinking about rythyms of life and simplicity.
5. The Purpose Driven Church - Rick Warren - just kidding. everyone check your pacemakers. :)
5. The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran - I have no words to describe the elegant, otherworldly profundity of this man's words. Pure, pure art.
Honorable Mentions:
The Collected Lyrics of Rich Mullins - yeah, I know its not a book, but what can I say? Don't like it, go back to Russia.
Devotional Classics - Richard Foster Ed. - incredible primer of two thousand years of lectio divina.
Wow. That was a cool exercise. Thanks for tagging me, Jay.
I tag... Chuck, Joe, and Paul.
This is fun.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Stuck
Sometimes I feel stuck. I don't really know how else to explain it. I don't feel stuck as in I am in a rut, or that I'm not growing when I should be. Rather, I feel suspended - stretched out between two... potentials? Possibilities? Mental states? Evolutions? I don't know; I can't quite articulate the word.
All I know is that something is not right. SOMETHING, and I don't know what, is off. Its like when you walk into a room and the angles aren't right, and the walls don't match the floors properly.
I honestly don't know what it could be. I am happy; reasonably at least; the House is moving along nicely, not yet where it should be, but showing promise - I am surrounded by people who support me, believe in me and trust me. My writing is going good. I have food in my belly, a place to lie my head at night and a roof to keep the rain off. All these things I am thankful for. I feel the hand of God in my life, I hear his voice in the relationships around me. My relationship with God is in a good place.
And yet...
There are lingering issues that haunt me. Those of you that know me probably have a good idea of the issues that haunt me. Not all my relationships are good. I do not love people as I should. I harbour pain that does not heal. I have left destruction, brokeness, anger, and pain in my wake. I don't know if I have forgiven those that have hurt me.
And there is the heart of the matter. As I sit here tonight going over my notes for my talks on the pure of heart, the poor in spirit and those that mourn, all with an over-arching theme of restoration and reconciliation, I wonder if my own words betray me. I wonder if my own words condemn me.
This is going to be the question I ask my "viatores" tomorrow: Is it possible to not love someone without hating them? Does indifference equal hatred?
The pure in heart see God because he is their only desire; thus their love is born of their conformity to his likeness.
The poor in spirit live lives of constant dependence and need. They know that God is their portion; he is all they have left, so they wait for him; thus is it easy for them to love because they feel so very acutely their own need for love.
The mourners feel the pain of loss. They know the terrible lack of something once cherished and loved. They love indiscriminately because they need the restoration of something long dead.
How can I stand before fifty people tomorrow and mouth these words when I know there are people in my own life I do not love?
Ah... wretched man that I am!
All I know is that something is not right. SOMETHING, and I don't know what, is off. Its like when you walk into a room and the angles aren't right, and the walls don't match the floors properly.
I honestly don't know what it could be. I am happy; reasonably at least; the House is moving along nicely, not yet where it should be, but showing promise - I am surrounded by people who support me, believe in me and trust me. My writing is going good. I have food in my belly, a place to lie my head at night and a roof to keep the rain off. All these things I am thankful for. I feel the hand of God in my life, I hear his voice in the relationships around me. My relationship with God is in a good place.
And yet...
There are lingering issues that haunt me. Those of you that know me probably have a good idea of the issues that haunt me. Not all my relationships are good. I do not love people as I should. I harbour pain that does not heal. I have left destruction, brokeness, anger, and pain in my wake. I don't know if I have forgiven those that have hurt me.
And there is the heart of the matter. As I sit here tonight going over my notes for my talks on the pure of heart, the poor in spirit and those that mourn, all with an over-arching theme of restoration and reconciliation, I wonder if my own words betray me. I wonder if my own words condemn me.
This is going to be the question I ask my "viatores" tomorrow: Is it possible to not love someone without hating them? Does indifference equal hatred?
The pure in heart see God because he is their only desire; thus their love is born of their conformity to his likeness.
The poor in spirit live lives of constant dependence and need. They know that God is their portion; he is all they have left, so they wait for him; thus is it easy for them to love because they feel so very acutely their own need for love.
The mourners feel the pain of loss. They know the terrible lack of something once cherished and loved. They love indiscriminately because they need the restoration of something long dead.
How can I stand before fifty people tomorrow and mouth these words when I know there are people in my own life I do not love?
Ah... wretched man that I am!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So Its Finally Happening
So its finally happening. I just got word that my publisher is finally getting their ass in gear and releasing my book. Its going wide in the States with a limited run in Eastern Canada; the market here in the west is painfully limited. They are starting with a run of 50,000 books.
As is customary, they are throwing me a release party, to which all my friends are invited. Its going down on June 25th, here in the city. This is all on Tor's nickel, so I have been told to invite indiscrimately. There's going to be live music, food, a "reading" (sounds like fun) and the appropriate press. Against my objections, its going to be semi-formal, so I'm going to have to wear pants. That was a specific requirement of the publisher.
I will post more details as they emerge.
As is customary, they are throwing me a release party, to which all my friends are invited. Its going down on June 25th, here in the city. This is all on Tor's nickel, so I have been told to invite indiscrimately. There's going to be live music, food, a "reading" (sounds like fun) and the appropriate press. Against my objections, its going to be semi-formal, so I'm going to have to wear pants. That was a specific requirement of the publisher.
I will post more details as they emerge.
