Canticles of the Unhomed
Monday, February 28, 2005
Pitstop
Feb 17th, hey? It's been that long since my last post? Wow.
So much has happened, I don't know exactly how to relate it all.
I have officially left Sol Cafe. After the leadership stepped down, it was plain to me that the future shape and direction of Sol Cafe was not an environment in which I could serve and be fed. That is not to say that I am angry at the community for choosing that direction. It is one that I disagree with and that does not fit me, and thus I could not be a part of it. All that is true, but it was the goal of the leadership from the beginning to help the community find a vision and a direction. It just so happens that the one they found was not one that we could agree with. It is difficult to maintain that separation: that I am leaving without anger, but nonetheless disagree fairly fundamentally with what was happening. For me, and this is what gives me peace, is that this does not have to place our relationships at stake. Leaving Sol Cafe does not mean that I sever all ties with the people there. In fact, I could say that it will only help my relationships because there will no longer be that contention between us. But it is difficult.
As I look at the past few months at the Sol Cafe, I am compelled to look at the fruit of my actions and belief, and the fruit of the entire situation. One of the fruits that I see with alarming clarity is that between last night and two weeks ago, thirteen people of the thirty or so that call Sol Cafe home have left. That troubles me. I would like to think that I have had little to do with people's decisions, but I cannot be sure of that. However, I know each of those people that have left, and they left not because they were called elsewhere, or that they had been ministered to and was sent out; they left because they were powerfully and deeply hurt by what happened at that church. This makes my soul mourn. This makes me wonder exactly what was the nature of what happened. What is at work in Sol Cafe that would produce this, beyond the average atrocities all human beings are prone to by the nature of their sinful natures? I don't know the answer to that. Perhaps the better question is, what have I done that contributed to this, or has produced this? What is going on? I just don't know how to answer this. I just don't know.
So, having officially left Sol Cafe - Sunday was my last there - I am forced to consider now what baggage I now bring with me. It would be the greatest folly to just say that leaving Sol Cafe makes everything okay. Granted, I feel so much less burdened, and I am now sleeping well at nights, and I am excited about the direction and vision that God has given me. But, there is still some anger there, some hurt, and feelings of rejection. It is difficult to say that I can keep these feelings separate, and to be aware of this baggage and to not allow it to influence my decisions. It is SO difficult.
So the future? Well, I and some others believe that God has given us a vision to create a particular type of community. We call it The House. I know, some other.... groups maybe thinking about using that name, but I think it applies so much better to us. :) In any case, this is pretty much what the house will look like: a bunch of us, probably three couples or so will buy a house together, and live there. That community will form the basis from which the Sunday nite will grow. The community that we gather around ourselves will use the space for a variety of things throughout the week, and will use the space to hang out, to meet people, and just to be. For example, if you have a Thursday off, instead of just spending it at home, you come to the House and spend that time there, or if you have an evening free, you come here. Instead of just staying at home and only meeting with people once a week or something like that, there is a continual interaction; even if you come to the House to do homework on a Wednesday night. We see this a community living together on an ongoing basis, rather than just meeting together on Sunday and maybe one other time a week. It starts to be become lives lived in common.
There's so much more to be said - about Sol Cafe, about the House, and so on, but I just don't where to begin. So, I guess this is a start. There will be more later. Perhaps using my blog as a medium to write about this will help me process what has happened at Sol Cafe and will help me better articulate the House.
So much has happened, I don't know exactly how to relate it all.
I have officially left Sol Cafe. After the leadership stepped down, it was plain to me that the future shape and direction of Sol Cafe was not an environment in which I could serve and be fed. That is not to say that I am angry at the community for choosing that direction. It is one that I disagree with and that does not fit me, and thus I could not be a part of it. All that is true, but it was the goal of the leadership from the beginning to help the community find a vision and a direction. It just so happens that the one they found was not one that we could agree with. It is difficult to maintain that separation: that I am leaving without anger, but nonetheless disagree fairly fundamentally with what was happening. For me, and this is what gives me peace, is that this does not have to place our relationships at stake. Leaving Sol Cafe does not mean that I sever all ties with the people there. In fact, I could say that it will only help my relationships because there will no longer be that contention between us. But it is difficult.
As I look at the past few months at the Sol Cafe, I am compelled to look at the fruit of my actions and belief, and the fruit of the entire situation. One of the fruits that I see with alarming clarity is that between last night and two weeks ago, thirteen people of the thirty or so that call Sol Cafe home have left. That troubles me. I would like to think that I have had little to do with people's decisions, but I cannot be sure of that. However, I know each of those people that have left, and they left not because they were called elsewhere, or that they had been ministered to and was sent out; they left because they were powerfully and deeply hurt by what happened at that church. This makes my soul mourn. This makes me wonder exactly what was the nature of what happened. What is at work in Sol Cafe that would produce this, beyond the average atrocities all human beings are prone to by the nature of their sinful natures? I don't know the answer to that. Perhaps the better question is, what have I done that contributed to this, or has produced this? What is going on? I just don't know how to answer this. I just don't know.
So, having officially left Sol Cafe - Sunday was my last there - I am forced to consider now what baggage I now bring with me. It would be the greatest folly to just say that leaving Sol Cafe makes everything okay. Granted, I feel so much less burdened, and I am now sleeping well at nights, and I am excited about the direction and vision that God has given me. But, there is still some anger there, some hurt, and feelings of rejection. It is difficult to say that I can keep these feelings separate, and to be aware of this baggage and to not allow it to influence my decisions. It is SO difficult.
So the future? Well, I and some others believe that God has given us a vision to create a particular type of community. We call it The House. I know, some other.... groups maybe thinking about using that name, but I think it applies so much better to us. :) In any case, this is pretty much what the house will look like: a bunch of us, probably three couples or so will buy a house together, and live there. That community will form the basis from which the Sunday nite will grow. The community that we gather around ourselves will use the space for a variety of things throughout the week, and will use the space to hang out, to meet people, and just to be. For example, if you have a Thursday off, instead of just spending it at home, you come to the House and spend that time there, or if you have an evening free, you come here. Instead of just staying at home and only meeting with people once a week or something like that, there is a continual interaction; even if you come to the House to do homework on a Wednesday night. We see this a community living together on an ongoing basis, rather than just meeting together on Sunday and maybe one other time a week. It starts to be become lives lived in common.
There's so much more to be said - about Sol Cafe, about the House, and so on, but I just don't where to begin. So, I guess this is a start. There will be more later. Perhaps using my blog as a medium to write about this will help me process what has happened at Sol Cafe and will help me better articulate the House.
:: written by Matt Thompson, 4:42 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Matt,
well, all I gotta say is, The House is mine! Bastard!
Anyways, for real, I am so excited for what the G is leading you all in. You are a great man of god and a great leader, and I know you will follow His heart in this whole thing...
peace and blessings
jayson
well, all I gotta say is, The House is mine! Bastard!
Anyways, for real, I am so excited for what the G is leading you all in. You are a great man of god and a great leader, and I know you will follow His heart in this whole thing...
peace and blessings
jayson
That darn nature of our sinful nature! It comes so naturally and yet seems so unnatural in a nature where the nature of that nature is naturally natureful. Naturally!!
I thik you're right though; Blogging about the Sol and the House can only be good for you to get out what you need to get out.
Oh! I think you can guess who wrote this "anonymous" comment! I think ya can indeed!
I thik you're right though; Blogging about the Sol and the House can only be good for you to get out what you need to get out.
Oh! I think you can guess who wrote this "anonymous" comment! I think ya can indeed!
I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't know how to answer the question you pose of "what happened?" I don't even know what I need anymore. All I know is that I need.
Matty
My heart breaks for the sense of loss I know you are experiencing at this time. My prayer, is that in the midst of this season of mourning that you will also be comforted and strenghtend by the glory of Christ's resurrection, in which you are an heir.
My heart breaks for the sense of loss I know you are experiencing at this time. My prayer, is that in the midst of this season of mourning that you will also be comforted and strenghtend by the glory of Christ's resurrection, in which you are an heir.
Jay, thanks for your support. This has been a rough road for me, but the future looks brighter. I have a real sense of peace in that is what I believe God wants for me, and that a community like the House is really on God's heart. My only worry now is relationships.
Rach, I hear you. For a time, this whole experience left me feeling very empty. But God is good; I can gladly attest to that. I know you know this, but you and D are not stalled. But you know that. In the immortal words of Bob Marley: "No, woman, no cry. Everything's gonna be alright." Ja, mon. Deegit. :)
Rach, I hear you. For a time, this whole experience left me feeling very empty. But God is good; I can gladly attest to that. I know you know this, but you and D are not stalled. But you know that. In the immortal words of Bob Marley: "No, woman, no cry. Everything's gonna be alright." Ja, mon. Deegit. :)
