Canticles of the Unhomed

Monday, May 02, 2005

Jayson's Gonna Hate Me For This...

Yeah, JB is gonna hate me for this. Found this on my old buddy Jason Wall's blog. There was some controversy, but I love this for its aburdity, and if you can read it with the Sir Mixalot song running in your head, and laugh at it for a funny Christian spoof, you will enjoy it.

Sorry, Jay.

Baby Got Book
by: Dan Smith

Intro
Oh my goodness, Becky, look at her Bible
It is so big
She looks like one of those preacher guys girlfriends
But... you know... Who understands those preacher boys
They only talk to her because she looks like Mother Teresa, ok?
I mean her Bible... it's just so big
I can't believe it's so huge
Ugh! It gross!
Look, she's just so... righteous

Verse 1
I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a KJV
And a book mark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know that girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty o' space in the margins
Oh baby, I wanna read witcha
Cause your Bible's got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that Book you got makes ("M-m-me so holy")
Ooh, momma-mia
You say you want koinonia
Well, bless me, bless me
And teach me about John Wesley

I saw her praying
While I was DJing
She got grace...pretty face
She ain't goin' down to the bad place

I'm tired of heathen guys
Sayin' they like pocket-size
Ask the average Christian to take a look
She's gotta pack much Book

So...Fellas (Yeah), fellas (Yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the Book (Oh yeah!)
Well, read it (Read it!), read it (Read it!), read that Holy Book
Baby got Book

Verse 2
I like 'em leather and bound
It's 50 pounds
I just can't understand
How it is, some weenie
Wants the Bible on CD
She wanna get you saved
Amen! Double up! A-men!
I ain't talkin' about a paraphrase
Cuz Paul wouldn't use those anyways
I like 'em real thick and red-lettered
You can't find nothin' better
Southpaw's in love
Bibles that big are unheard of
So I'm sittin' here thinkin' "What if...
I find me a girl that shows midriff?"
You can have those bimbos
I'll keep those chicks that do devos
A word to the Christian sistas
I can't resist ya
I'll do God's time witcha
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna pray
Til the break of day
Baby, got it goin' on
Like the wife in Pro-verbs 31
We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cuz it's worn and it's torn
And I know this girl's reborn

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna save people from Hades (yeah)
Then read it...'til the pages fall out
Even white preachers got to shout
Baby got Book

Yeah baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King's resume just can't compare
39 + 27 = 66 books
And if you're Catholic...there's even more

Verse 3
So your girlfriend quotes Bill Hybels
But does she got a big Bible?
Cuz that little things she's got won't start a revival
My Bible study don't want none,
Unless you got Book, hun
...You can read Clancy or Grisham
But please don't loose this Book
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that Book's too old
So they toss it and burn it
And I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback?
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz my girlfriend's hot her Bible's rockin'
And she's got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to dis
You ain't it Miss Priss
Give me a Christian, I'm insistin'
And I'll greet her with some holy kissin'
Some pervert tried to chase
But he didn't make it past first base
She's quick to resist temptation
And she loves a new translation
So ladies who were lost and found
If you want the triple-six thrown down
Dial 1-800-READS-A-LOT
And teach me about those Psalms
Baby got Book

Baby Got Book
Copyright 2004, Dan Smith

:: written by Matt Thompson, 1:28 PM

4 Comments:

Oh...my...dear...sweet...monkey...
Matt, The House Productions (R) simply MUST make a premeire video out of this! You can wear the oversized gold chains and adidas tracksuit... Ahh pure gold!