Canticles of the Unhomed
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
:: written by Matt Thompson, 5:36 PM
111 Comments:
in prayer for you
Matt,
I feel your pain with the moving thing, although I am certain I actually would enjoy the rusty can slightly more than moving. I think I will burn down my storage unit (then get arrested, then have absolutely NO possesions, thus beating you).
Know that while I am away, I am thinking about you and the house, and will pray that all becomes settled again. I hope we can all bear some of your emotional pain for you; we are here to support you even though you always seem to be the one assuming that role for us. Let everyone's Love for you be a solace and refuge for your heart (in addition to dad, of course). Do whatever you need to, but remember that you are on our minds.
God bless you, buddy!
I feel your pain with the moving thing, although I am certain I actually would enjoy the rusty can slightly more than moving. I think I will burn down my storage unit (then get arrested, then have absolutely NO possesions, thus beating you).
Know that while I am away, I am thinking about you and the house, and will pray that all becomes settled again. I hope we can all bear some of your emotional pain for you; we are here to support you even though you always seem to be the one assuming that role for us. Let everyone's Love for you be a solace and refuge for your heart (in addition to dad, of course). Do whatever you need to, but remember that you are on our minds.
God bless you, buddy!
I hear you on the spiritual attack thing.
This week I have been feeling...uneasy. Like something is wrong. There is nothing that I can think of that would be wrong, although I can always find lots of things to worry about.
It's like there's an anvil hanging over my head.
Keep slugging on - we're all in this together.
This week I have been feeling...uneasy. Like something is wrong. There is nothing that I can think of that would be wrong, although I can always find lots of things to worry about.
It's like there's an anvil hanging over my head.
Keep slugging on - we're all in this together.
take heart comrade! this man has moved 8 times.... with 3 or 4 children! You'll get through it and you'll be stronger as a result. there's something about all that stress and latent depression and rage coming to the surface that somehow is ultimately a good thing.l for right now however "it sucks to be you" faith hope and love
Thinking of you bud.
Okay, everybody now, "Lean on me, when you're not stroeeong!"
I think my unease comes from the fact that I feel no unease when I should feel the same as you. So everyone just jump on Chuck's back and I'll take you as far as I can, as long as you all man the stretchers when I crash hard.
Love ya man.
I think my unease comes from the fact that I feel no unease when I should feel the same as you. So everyone just jump on Chuck's back and I'll take you as far as I can, as long as you all man the stretchers when I crash hard.
Love ya man.
Matt I hear ya. We talked moderately on Saturday night, but rest assured my thoughts are with you. Also wanted to say thanks for continuing to look out for me even when you are hard put to do it. I appreciate the soup....and even more than that, the thought. Love you Pope-alicious!
hey matt,
you'd feel a lot better if you would come visist us in dear old saskatchewan... you are welcome anytime! hugs, Kimmy
you'd feel a lot better if you would come visist us in dear old saskatchewan... you are welcome anytime! hugs, Kimmy
Matt, I know things look bad but Saskatchewan is not the answer!
Saskatchewan is always the answer. But only because old friends live there.
Calgary! You really need to move back to Calgary! Come on! We miss ya down here! I think you need to reacquaint yourself with some old, dear, close friends who miss you and love you! Guess who this is, and you win a used lollipop.
Now is not the time big guy. You have to move into your new communal living setup on Saturday.
Wow, so many comments for a Boo-Hoo-I'm-So-Hard-Done-By post!
I realize that Edmonton is not all that glitters and shines, but Cowtown and the "Land of the Living Skies" (Way to play up the one thing you've got lots of!) are not what you might call upgrades, friends or no.
Just thought I would add some more fuel to this rivalry fire and get those flames a soarin'. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my provincial rivalries fa-laming!
I realize that Edmonton is not all that glitters and shines, but Cowtown and the "Land of the Living Skies" (Way to play up the one thing you've got lots of!) are not what you might call upgrades, friends or no.
Just thought I would add some more fuel to this rivalry fire and get those flames a soarin'. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my provincial rivalries fa-laming!
LISTEN, it is not necessarily the Saskatchewan sunsets that Matt needs to be seeing - although they are exceptionally beautiful. it is the old friends. Matt and I have had a very intimate relationship, quiet a bit of it stemming from our love of all things tall, skinny, red, and hairy. nevertheless, i have almost forgotten what he looks like as i have not seen him in a looonnggg time. In case you are wondering, he has seen enough me to NEVER forget what i look like...hey mattie, remember that morning on my parents couch right before my wedding??? Matt- if you know what's good for you, you will come and see us before i do more reminiscing on this blog thing!!!!!! Evil KIMMY
Hey, Matt;
Looks like all your old friends are back "in town".
How are things, Kimmy? How is Brad?
Looks like all your old friends are back "in town".
How are things, Kimmy? How is Brad?
I'm not bugging you, you're bugging meeeeee!
I'm just typing to see if I can help get your comments over 20.
Hey some Calgary punk. Brad's doing fine. You mean you can't see through my thinly disguised alias?
19
20!!!!!
Oh my lord. This is out of hand.
Matt....B.C. is actually where you're the most needed. By the way, I'm here now.
Matt....B.C. is actually where you're the most needed. By the way, I'm here now.
#22 - now put an end to this. I had the first comment, and so I must have the last.
Go to bed.
All of you.
It is finished
Go to bed.
All of you.
It is finished
Beep
I wonder what the record is for the most comments on a blog? Surely it must be much higher than 24.
I saw one blog that had over 400 comments on one post...we have a long way to go. I suggest we submit matt's url to a spambot for online poker ads.
Joe
Joe
Darth Vader's blog has over 800 entries on the last post, all of them real!
Perhaps if Matt would post a new entry we would have something else to comment on rather than just the growing list of comments :)
Ya, like maybe a link to a certain book.
Or we could start a sub-post in the comments without him even being aware, thus hijacking the blog to out own purposes. If we get enough comments on board, we could drive up his google ranking on the topic of "worm fed composting"; which is a viable form of reducing kitchen waste. Worm composting seminars are held at the Jansen nature center every month.
Well in that case, here's number 30!
See the thing I like about worm fed composting is that the process moves more quickly than wormless composting. It also provides steady work for worms who would otherwise end up as fish bait.
This is certainly true - as long as you don't lose them all to a good rain storm. Why do the worms always end up on the sidewalk to get stepped on?
They end up on the sidewalk because their little worm holes fill up with water and they need to come up for air. A well maintained compost pile on the other hand is absorbant enough to soak up the rain water without drowning the worms out of their cozy little worm holes, thus also providing a safe working enviroment.
In fact, every worm I have ever known has wanted to get a job in worm fed composting due to the work environment and excellent benefits package.
That is a good point, however, not completely true. While most well-adjusted worms do in fact desire the prestigous positions in the composting field, the less well-known and vastly more lucrative world of the underground worm sex trade is the preferred choice for worms in the know.
There is not a great deal of profit in that trade, contrary to popular misconceptions. Many young and ambitious worms enter that profession only to find that worms are in fact hermaphrodites. Thus the expenditure profit ratio can be quite low.
While that is true in regards to other worms, there is still much money to be made from other creatures such as beetles and spiders who are interested in exploring other sexual options.
I'm not sure how this thread managed to degenerate into a discussion of the invertibrate sex trade. Matt, will you please post something so we can start a new discussion!?!
Maybe we should organize a group of invertibrate missionaries to convert the heathens from their alternate lifestyles. We could set up little revivals and shelters for worms and others to get back on their..."feet". We could provide a compost pile for them to work in and earn a living. Kind of like a Neon Rider thing.
Chuck - by "invertebrate missionaries", do you mean outreach to the invertebrates, or that the missionaries themselves are spineless?
Good idea Chuck! It breaks my heart to see the way these insects and worms live. Together in a small colony, unable to do anything apart from the group, no seperate identity. Really rather cultish.
Here's an idea. Perhaps we could purchase a compost pile or some other typical invertibrate "house." Then we would have a few of our invertibrate missionaries move into the compost pile to create authentic community within which the pagan worms could first encounter true faith and experience what it is to live the gospel. We could even call the compost pile "The House." Soon the compost "House" would be teeming with invertibrates of every kind eager to partake in the experiences they have secretly been longing for.
The Dirk, if that is your real name, I believe I speak for all my fellow house members when I say, outside after school by the bike racks.
Oooh, can I watch? Can I hold your coat?
I think we would have to raise up some of native worms to become the missionaries. It's one thing for a fully vertebrated individual to talk all high and mighty about the way things are, but we will never really get through unless we find some fellow believers among the worms. After all, can we truly know the detailed inner workings of the worm psyche? Can we ever be more than an objective observer? We mjust be wary of these issues lest we repeat the travisties of imposing our views and values on yet another culture.
Oooh, and we need a fancy slogan to put on wristbands and stuff! Something like "What Would Worm-Jesus Do?" or "In case of rapture this hole will be unwormed" or "My other home is a botanical garden" or "I'd rather be eating a golf course".
We could also have a giant eqipping and ministry conference, maybe call it "Squirm Forth" - invite big name snakes & such...
Holy Mother of the invertibrate underworld! I am at a loss for worms...*ahem*...words.
"O where, O where can that little Matt be? O where, O where can he be?"
Who gets the 50th post? Oh that's right I do! Ahahahahaha...haha...ha...whoooo!
So I was at the bike racks after school, where were all of you "house people?"
p.s. You failed to mention which school, so I went to Caronport Elementary.
Anyway. I was simply trying to say that incarnational ministry would be more effective with worms than mass media or handing out tracts. :)
p.s. You failed to mention which school, so I went to Caronport Elementary.
Anyway. I was simply trying to say that incarnational ministry would be more effective with worms than mass media or handing out tracts. :)
So did we! Oh wait, did you go to the east side bike racks or the west?
I think I got confused and went to the worm hill. All I found were some rowdy worms, itching to pick a fight. Oh yeah, they seem so cute and cudly on the outside, but just wait 'til they turn on you!
It's becoming very obvious that many of us spend more time on Matt's blog than he does. (either that or he's lurking on his own blog). I find this very disappointing as he would make a great leader to take charge of our great mission to the worms.
However, I have found a problem with trying to evangelize worms. If you take Isiah 66:24 as a reference to hell, as Jesus does in Mark 9:48. Then worms can also achieve immortality in hell, and they will have plenty of food there too. The only downside for them is that the fire also is never quenched, so we would need to exploit that point in the heaven/hell discussion.
That may be a bit of a problem, however, I think the key is in empowering the worms and setting them free to be themselves in the full wormhood they were created for- even if their particular giftedness seems only to be the consumption of the damned. Thus to fully empower them, we need to ensure that more people are sent to hell. I suggest we begin by having a men's breakfast, followed by a ladies tea and sewing bee.
Perhaps one of us should write a book called "The Purpose-Driven Worm," and spin it off into a program called "40 Worms of Purpose" or something like that?
If it is being suggested that I attend sewing bees, I can personally ensure to my invertibrates in Christ that there will be a few people that will be sent to hell shortly.
I think the key to making Christ know to the worms is to make the Bible more relatable. Take for instance the story of Jonah. What worm could not relate as deaths spike dramatically in the summer months due to fishing related murders? And what better analogy for Christ's reserection?
By the way, Matt if you're reading this, it's just sad that Mack has a more up to date blog than you.
As an aspiring linguist and lover of Greek and Hebrew, I believe it is obvious that we need to translate the Holy Scriptures into Worm Basic. I mean it's all well and good to talk about the unreached people groups in the world, but aren't we being a little bit...specist? What about the worms, man, the worms? We need to send in some linguists to assess worm communication and construct a formal alphabet and dictionary. Although, I think the worm language would end up being more of an interpretive dance kind of thing.
OK we're coming up on one month now since Matt last posted. Is it time to send out a search party?
Maybe if we stop leaving comments, he'll write again.
I wonder if blogger has a concept of squater's rights, that if we are the only ones here for a solid month we can take over the blog and Matt will have to start a new on about how he never has time to blog anymore.
Wow, the day after the big one month anniversary of Matt's last post and the fanfare has died to a mutter. Could it be that this blog is a Bermuda Triangle of bloggers, where people start out with the best intentions of posting/commenting every day only to fall by the wayside? Could it be that even the commentors fall prey to this crusher of wills? Oh the humanity!
Out of the watery deep rises one... one who has mightly overcome the Bermudaness of this particular triangle... one who has triangulatory powers mightier than Stephen Hawking... verily, he shall forevermore refuse to allow the good citizens of Blog to fall by the wayside in their campaign for truth, justice, and equality, including the right to squat over whomever's blog they shall choose to squat, and the existential right to ramble on incoherently about whatever they shall choose to ramble about, and the inalienable right to continue a sentence for however long they damn well feel like it, almost to the point of creating a run-on paragraph. Yes, this person, nay, hero, shall be revealed to the masses... his name is The Big MacK!!!
You may now fall to your knees and "donate" your required three easy payments of $33.33! The Big MacK feel generous today, and so he will allow you to prostrate yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable.
And if you act now we'll throw in this set of solar-powered steak knives. But wait that's not all! If you call in the next 13 seconds we'll give you an autographed copy of Matt's very own, brand new book!...stand...cover...coupon.
Hey you kids - get off my lawn!
Yes, Chuck, these beautiful, intelligent people can act now and save, but today we are primarily promoting getting SAVED!!!! Our primary offer today is a small vial of holy water for a donation of only $60.00US! Anoint your throat with this amazing God-powered liquid!!! Feel pentecost in your mouth all over again ladies and gentlemen, this miracle cure will heal whatever ails ya! Also, by becoming a Christian by subscribing to our regular members club, you will become filthy rich, get chicks for free, money for nothin', and any sports car you want! Act now, save, get saved, and so on!
< / acidic-sarcastic TV evangelism commentary>
< / acidic-sarcastic TV evangelism commentary>
Incidentally, I actually watched Peter Popoff's show for about three minutes, and that was pretty much a valid paraphrase. Yep, screw you guys, I'm going to his Church!
Hey! We're almost three-quarters of the way to the big 1-0-0!
Oh look, even closer yet...
Let me have a look...you're right, it is getting closer!
ahhhh...I think we are 3 quarters of the way there
How is that Matt hasn't gotten any Spam yet?
you mean all of this isn't? I thought it was just "personalized spam"...
I prefer to think of myself as a social muser
79
80!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait a minute. Did you get that water from a natural spring in Russia? Did God instruct you to bless it? Does it come with instructions on how to use it (lather, rinse, repeat)? And most importantly, does it come in a little plastic tube with the easy-to-rip-off top? Oh man, I've been looking everywhere for some of that stuff!
I believe he got it from thine holy watering hose
I tried making holy water once, but every time I pulled my finger out the hole would fill in.
I just looked back at the original post and the first few comments. It's funny to see how this whole thing progressed. And I wonder if Joe is still in prayer for Matt or if he's given up altogether.
Praying for Matt would only be effective if he were still alive, unless you are in the practice of praying for the dead. Given that the evidence for him being alive is very thin at this point, Joe praying may well be in vain.
well, that of course raises the strange question of how we interpret that section about baptism on behalf of the dead (cook it up in a concordance) which Paul speaks about.
we do have faith in the power of the resurrection, although I wonder if there is a blog equivalent for "Lord, he hath been dead in the tomb these four days now, surely he stinketh".
this is now the lazarus blog.
we do have faith in the power of the resurrection, although I wonder if there is a blog equivalent for "Lord, he hath been dead in the tomb these four days now, surely he stinketh".
this is now the lazarus blog.
Well if we believe that those believers who have died don't die, but go to be with the Lord then they are not dead but alive. Thus, if we pray for them, we're not really praying for the dead but for those who live in the Lord's presence. If on the other hand praying for the dead is for those who die in disbelief, then they are truly dead and apart from the Lord, except that the Bible indicates they will be held for final judgement, so then they also are not completely dead either. Perhaps they are just mostly dead (cross reference The Princess Bride). But what would it avail to pray for them as their judgement in now sure and inevitable.
If Matt were around he could help us out as he has thoroughly studied questions of the fate of the dead and the true nature of what lies beyond the grave. I remember a book by Robert Morey that was particularly helpful to him in this study. Maybe Jesus will be along in a few days to bring Matt forth from the grave. Otherwise we must simply hope for the resurrection and the return of our Lord.
If Matt were around he could help us out as he has thoroughly studied questions of the fate of the dead and the true nature of what lies beyond the grave. I remember a book by Robert Morey that was particularly helpful to him in this study. Maybe Jesus will be along in a few days to bring Matt forth from the grave. Otherwise we must simply hope for the resurrection and the return of our Lord.
BTW for those not familiar with my sense of humour: the above should in no way be taken as serious theological musings.
Well, let's just say Matt is in a better place if the belief that faith in Christ brings eternal life. If however, there is such a thing as reincarnation, I hope he is enjoying his new life buzzing around and feasting on human blood.
On another note, I see we are closer to 100. When the number of jumpers was nearing the 1000 mark on the golden gate bridge, the police actually stopped reporting them for fear that some desperate, lonely people would be tempted to be number 1000 in order to give their sad lives some sort of notoriety. so, let the scramble to 100 begin all my fellow nobodies!
Who cares about what happens to humans when they die. What about the worms, man, the worms!
I can see the blog lurkers now. Logging in every 5 minutes so as not to miss the opportunity to make the 100th post. Their lives consumed by this one desire. Food, social interaction, employment, all forsaken that this one goal may be reached. But enough about me. . . :)
..yeah, I'll see that, and raise you one... gimme another bourbon...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
99 Comments
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joe said...
in prayer for you
10:42 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Matt,
I feel your pain with the moving thing, although I am certain I actually would enjoy the rusty can slightly more than moving. I think I will burn down my storage unit (then get arrested, then have absolutely NO possesions, thus beating you).
Know that while I am away, I am thinking about you and the house, and will pray that all becomes settled again. I hope we can all bear some of your emotional pain for you; we are here to support you even though you always seem to be the one assuming that role for us. Let everyone's Love for you be a solace and refuge for your heart (in addition to dad, of course). Do whatever you need to, but remember that you are on our minds.
God bless you, buddy!
2:58 PM
Erika Elves said...
I hear you on the spiritual attack thing.
This week I have been feeling...uneasy. Like something is wrong. There is nothing that I can think of that would be wrong, although I can always find lots of things to worry about.
It's like there's an anvil hanging over my head.
Keep slugging on - we're all in this together.
11:05 AM
Paul Seburn said...
take heart comrade! this man has moved 8 times.... with 3 or 4 children! You'll get through it and you'll be stronger as a result. there's something about all that stress and latent depression and rage coming to the surface that somehow is ultimately a good thing.l for right now however "it sucks to be you" faith hope and love
11:53 AM
Jeff Alberda said...
Thinking of you bud.
12:17 PM
Chuck said...
Okay, everybody now, "Lean on me, when you're not stroeeong!"
I think my unease comes from the fact that I feel no unease when I should feel the same as you. So everyone just jump on Chuck's back and I'll take you as far as I can, as long as you all man the stretchers when I crash hard.
Love ya man.
7:11 PM
Rach said...
Matt I hear ya. We talked moderately on Saturday night, but rest assured my thoughts are with you. Also wanted to say thanks for continuing to look out for me even when you are hard put to do it. I appreciate the soup....and even more than that, the thought. Love you Pope-alicious!
7:59 PM
Anonymous said...
hey matt,
you'd feel a lot better if you would come visist us in dear old saskatchewan... you are welcome anytime! hugs, Kimmy
12:31 PM
futile ranter said...
Matt, I know things look bad but Saskatchewan is not the answer!
1:00 PM
the dirk said...
Saskatchewan is always the answer. But only because old friends live there.
1:16 PM
Some young guy said...
Calgary! You really need to move back to Calgary! Come on! We miss ya down here! I think you need to reacquaint yourself with some old, dear, close friends who miss you and love you! Guess who this is, and you win a used lollipop.
9:04 PM
Jeff Alberda said...
Now is not the time big guy. You have to move into your new communal living setup on Saturday.
12:04 PM
Chuck said...
Wow, so many comments for a Boo-Hoo-I'm-So-Hard-Done-By post!
I realize that Edmonton is not all that glitters and shines, but Cowtown and the "Land of the Living Skies" (Way to play up the one thing you've got lots of!) are not what you might call upgrades, friends or no.
Just thought I would add some more fuel to this rivalry fire and get those flames a soarin'. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my provincial rivalries fa-laming!
3:34 PM
Anonymous said...
LISTEN, it is not necessarily the Saskatchewan sunsets that Matt needs to be seeing - although they are exceptionally beautiful. it is the old friends. Matt and I have had a very intimate relationship, quiet a bit of it stemming from our love of all things tall, skinny, red, and hairy. nevertheless, i have almost forgotten what he looks like as i have not seen him in a looonnggg time. In case you are wondering, he has seen enough me to NEVER forget what i look like...hey mattie, remember that morning on my parents couch right before my wedding??? Matt- if you know what's good for you, you will come and see us before i do more reminiscing on this blog thing!!!!!! Evil KIMMY
4:08 PM
Some Calgary punk said...
Hey, Matt;
Looks like all your old friends are back "in town".
How are things, Kimmy? How is Brad?
6:29 PM
Some Calgary punk said...
I'm not bugging you, you're bugging meeeeee!
6:30 PM
futile ranter said...
I'm just typing to see if I can help get your comments over 20.
7:09 AM
the dirk said...
Hey some Calgary punk. Brad's doing fine. You mean you can't see through my thinly disguised alias?
8:56 AM
Chuck said...
19
1:34 PM
Chuck said...
20!!!!!
1:34 PM
Rach said...
Oh my lord. This is out of hand.
Matt....B.C. is actually where you're the most needed. By the way, I'm here now.
11:14 PM
Joe said...
#22 - now put an end to this. I had the first comment, and so I must have the last.
Go to bed.
All of you.
It is finished
5:56 PM
Jeff Alberda said...
Beep
7:35 PM
the dirk said...
I wonder what the record is for the most comments on a blog? Surely it must be much higher than 24.
8:45 AM
Anonymous said...
I saw one blog that had over 400 comments on one post...we have a long way to go. I suggest we submit matt's url to a spambot for online poker ads.
Joe
12:29 PM
Chuck said...
Darth Vader's blog has over 800 entries on the last post, all of them real!
9:34 AM
the dirk said...
Perhaps if Matt would post a new entry we would have something else to comment on rather than just the growing list of comments :)
8:27 AM
futile ranter said...
Ya, like maybe a link to a certain book.
12:48 PM
Joe said...
Or we could start a sub-post in the comments without him even being aware, thus hijacking the blog to out own purposes. If we get enough comments on board, we could drive up his google ranking on the topic of "worm fed composting"; which is a viable form of reducing kitchen waste. Worm composting seminars are held at the Jansen nature center every month.
10:22 PM
futile ranter said...
Well in that case, here's number 30!
8:31 AM
the dirk said...
See the thing I like about worm fed composting is that the process moves more quickly than wormless composting. It also provides steady work for worms who would otherwise end up as fish bait.
8:52 AM
Erika Elves said...
This is certainly true - as long as you don't lose them all to a good rain storm. Why do the worms always end up on the sidewalk to get stepped on?
12:16 PM
the dirk said...
They end up on the sidewalk because their little worm holes fill up with water and they need to come up for air. A well maintained compost pile on the other hand is absorbant enough to soak up the rain water without drowning the worms out of their cozy little worm holes, thus also providing a safe working enviroment.
4:53 PM
the dirk said...
In fact, every worm I have ever known has wanted to get a job in worm fed composting due to the work environment and excellent benefits package.
4:56 PM
Chuck said...
That is a good point, however, not completely true. While most well-adjusted worms do in fact desire the prestigous positions in the composting field, the less well-known and vastly more lucrative world of the underground worm sex trade is the preferred choice for worms in the know.
5:15 PM
Joe said...
There is not a great deal of profit in that trade, contrary to popular misconceptions. Many young and ambitious worms enter that profession only to find that worms are in fact hermaphrodites. Thus the expenditure profit ratio can be quite low.
7:36 PM
futile ranter said...
While that is true in regards to other worms, there is still much money to be made from other creatures such as beetles and spiders who are interested in exploring other sexual options.
12:08 PM
the dirk said...
I'm not sure how this thread managed to degenerate into a discussion of the invertibrate sex trade. Matt, will you please post something so we can start a new discussion!?!
1:32 PM
Chuck said...
Maybe we should organize a group of invertibrate missionaries to convert the heathens from their alternate lifestyles. We could set up little revivals and shelters for worms and others to get back on their..."feet". We could provide a compost pile for them to work in and earn a living. Kind of like a Neon Rider thing.
1:37 PM
Joe said...
Chuck - by "invertebrate missionaries", do you mean outreach to the invertebrates, or that the missionaries themselves are spineless?
2:18 PM
Anonymous said...
Good idea Chuck! It breaks my heart to see the way these insects and worms live. Together in a small colony, unable to do anything apart from the group, no seperate identity. Really rather cultish.
8:27 AM
the dirk said...
Here's an idea. Perhaps we could purchase a compost pile or some other typical invertibrate "house." Then we would have a few of our invertibrate missionaries move into the compost pile to create authentic community within which the pagan worms could first encounter true faith and experience what it is to live the gospel. We could even call the compost pile "The House." Soon the compost "House" would be teeming with invertibrates of every kind eager to partake in the experiences they have secretly been longing for.
9:07 AM
futile ranter said...
The Dirk, if that is your real name, I believe I speak for all my fellow house members when I say, outside after school by the bike racks.
10:43 AM
Erika Elves said...
Oooh, can I watch? Can I hold your coat?
12:19 PM
Chuck said...
I think we would have to raise up some of native worms to become the missionaries. It's one thing for a fully vertebrated individual to talk all high and mighty about the way things are, but we will never really get through unless we find some fellow believers among the worms. After all, can we truly know the detailed inner workings of the worm psyche? Can we ever be more than an objective observer? We mjust be wary of these issues lest we repeat the travisties of imposing our views and values on yet another culture.
3:35 PM
Chuck said...
Oooh, and we need a fancy slogan to put on wristbands and stuff! Something like "What Would Worm-Jesus Do?" or "In case of rapture this hole will be unwormed" or "My other home is a botanical garden" or "I'd rather be eating a golf course".
7:24 PM
Joe said...
We could also have a giant eqipping and ministry conference, maybe call it "Squirm Forth" - invite big name snakes & such...
8:11 PM
Rach said...
Holy Mother of the invertibrate underworld! I am at a loss for worms...*ahem*...words.
3:14 PM
Chuck said...
"O where, O where can that little Matt be? O where, O where can he be?"
8:39 AM
Chuck said...
Who gets the 50th post? Oh that's right I do! Ahahahahaha...haha...ha...whoooo!
8:40 AM
the dirk said...
So I was at the bike racks after school, where were all of you "house people?"
p.s. You failed to mention which school, so I went to Caronport Elementary.
Anyway. I was simply trying to say that incarnational ministry would be more effective with worms than mass media or handing out tracts. :)
10:56 AM
futile ranter said...
So did we! Oh wait, did you go to the east side bike racks or the west?
12:31 PM
Chuck said...
I think I got confused and went to the worm hill. All I found were some rowdy worms, itching to pick a fight. Oh yeah, they seem so cute and cudly on the outside, but just wait 'til they turn on you!
4:32 PM
the dirk said...
It's becoming very obvious that many of us spend more time on Matt's blog than he does. (either that or he's lurking on his own blog). I find this very disappointing as he would make a great leader to take charge of our great mission to the worms.
8:26 AM
the dirk said...
However, I have found a problem with trying to evangelize worms. If you take Isiah 66:24 as a reference to hell, as Jesus does in Mark 9:48. Then worms can also achieve immortality in hell, and they will have plenty of food there too. The only downside for them is that the fire also is never quenched, so we would need to exploit that point in the heaven/hell discussion.
8:32 AM
Joe said...
That may be a bit of a problem, however, I think the key is in empowering the worms and setting them free to be themselves in the full wormhood they were created for- even if their particular giftedness seems only to be the consumption of the damned. Thus to fully empower them, we need to ensure that more people are sent to hell. I suggest we begin by having a men's breakfast, followed by a ladies tea and sewing bee.
10:34 AM
the dirk said...
Perhaps one of us should write a book called "The Purpose-Driven Worm," and spin it off into a program called "40 Worms of Purpose" or something like that?
11:14 AM
futile ranter said...
If it is being suggested that I attend sewing bees, I can personally ensure to my invertibrates in Christ that there will be a few people that will be sent to hell shortly.
11:16 AM
futile ranter said...
I think the key to making Christ know to the worms is to make the Bible more relatable. Take for instance the story of Jonah. What worm could not relate as deaths spike dramatically in the summer months due to fishing related murders? And what better analogy for Christ's reserection?
11:32 AM
Anonymous said...
By the way, Matt if you're reading this, it's just sad that Mack has a more up to date blog than you.
12:03 PM
Chuck said...
As an aspiring linguist and lover of Greek and Hebrew, I believe it is obvious that we need to translate the Holy Scriptures into Worm Basic. I mean it's all well and good to talk about the unreached people groups in the world, but aren't we being a little bit...specist? What about the worms, man, the worms? We need to send in some linguists to assess worm communication and construct a formal alphabet and dictionary. Although, I think the worm language would end up being more of an interpretive dance kind of thing.
2:18 PM
the dirk said...
OK we're coming up on one month now since Matt last posted. Is it time to send out a search party?
8:25 AM
futile ranter said...
Maybe if we stop leaving comments, he'll write again.
8:31 AM
Chuck said...
I wonder if blogger has a concept of squater's rights, that if we are the only ones here for a solid month we can take over the blog and Matt will have to start a new on about how he never has time to blog anymore.
6:21 PM
Chuck said...
Wow, the day after the big one month anniversary of Matt's last post and the fanfare has died to a mutter. Could it be that this blog is a Bermuda Triangle of bloggers, where people start out with the best intentions of posting/commenting every day only to fall by the wayside? Could it be that even the commentors fall prey to this crusher of wills? Oh the humanity!
4:49 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Out of the watery deep rises one... one who has mightly overcome the Bermudaness of this particular triangle... one who has triangulatory powers mightier than Stephen Hawking... verily, he shall forevermore refuse to allow the good citizens of Blog to fall by the wayside in their campaign for truth, justice, and equality, including the right to squat over whomever's blog they shall choose to squat, and the existential right to ramble on incoherently about whatever they shall choose to ramble about, and the inalienable right to continue a sentence for however long they damn well feel like it, almost to the point of creating a run-on paragraph. Yes, this person, nay, hero, shall be revealed to the masses... his name is The Big MacK!!!
8:45 PM
Uncle MacK said...
You may now fall to your knees and "donate" your required three easy payments of $33.33! The Big MacK feel generous today, and so he will allow you to prostrate yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable.
9:54 PM
Chuck said...
And if you act now we'll throw in this set of solar-powered steak knives. But wait that's not all! If you call in the next 13 seconds we'll give you an autographed copy of Matt's very own, brand new book!...stand...cover...coupon.
8:50 AM
joe said...
Hey you kids - get off my lawn!
1:54 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Yes, Chuck, these beautiful, intelligent people can act now and save, but today we are primarily promoting getting SAVED!!!! Our primary offer today is a small vial of holy water for a donation of only $60.00US! Anoint your throat with this amazing God-powered liquid!!! Feel pentecost in your mouth all over again ladies and gentlemen, this miracle cure will heal whatever ails ya! Also, by becoming a Christian by subscribing to our regular members club, you will become filthy rich, get chicks for free, money for nothin', and any sports car you want! Act now, save, get saved, and so on!
< / acidic-sarcastic TV evangelism commentary>
6:01 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Incidentally, I actually watched Peter Popoff's show for about three minutes, and that was pretty much a valid paraphrase. Yep, screw you guys, I'm going to his Church!
6:03 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Hey! We're almost three-quarters of the way to the big 1-0-0!
6:04 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Oh look, even closer yet...
6:04 PM
Anonymous said...
Let me have a look...you're right, it is getting closer!
8:22 PM
Joe said...
ahhhh...I think we are 3 quarters of the way there
9:32 PM
futile ranter said...
How is that Matt hasn't gotten any Spam yet?
8:51 AM
Joe said...
you mean all of this isn't? I thought it was just "personalized spam"...
9:11 AM
futile ranter said...
I prefer to think of myself as a social muser
11:09 AM
Anonymous said...
79
1:25 PM
Anonymous said...
80!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1:25 PM
Chuck said...
Wait a minute. Did you get that water from a natural spring in Russia? Did God instruct you to bless it? Does it come with instructions on how to use it (lather, rinse, repeat)? And most importantly, does it come in a little plastic tube with the easy-to-rip-off top? Oh man, I've been looking everywhere for some of that stuff!
2:42 PM
futile ranter said...
I believe he got it from thine holy watering hose
2:46 PM
Anonymous said...
I tried making holy water once, but every time I pulled my finger out the hole would fill in.
4:01 PM
Chuck said...
I just looked back at the original post and the first few comments. It's funny to see how this whole thing progressed. And I wonder if Joe is still in prayer for Matt or if he's given up altogether.
9:48 PM
the dirk said...
Praying for Matt would only be effective if he were still alive, unless you are in the practice of praying for the dead. Given that the evidence for him being alive is very thin at this point, Joe praying may well be in vain.
11:40 AM
Joe said...
well, that of course raises the strange question of how we interpret that section about baptism on behalf of the dead (cook it up in a concordance) which Paul speaks about.
we do have faith in the power of the resurrection, although I wonder if there is a blog equivalent for "Lord, he hath been dead in the tomb these four days now, surely he stinketh".
this is now the lazarus blog.
8:13 PM
the dirk said...
Well if we believe that those believers who have died don't die, but go to be with the Lord then they are not dead but alive. Thus, if we pray for them, we're not really praying for the dead but for those who live in the Lord's presence. If on the other hand praying for the dead is for those who die in disbelief, then they are truly dead and apart from the Lord, except that the Bible indicates they will be held for final judgement, so then they also are not completely dead either. Perhaps they are just mostly dead (cross reference The Princess Bride). But what would it avail to pray for them as their judgement in now sure and inevitable.
If Matt were around he could help us out as he has thoroughly studied questions of the fate of the dead and the true nature of what lies beyond the grave. I remember a book by Robert Morey that was particularly helpful to him in this study. Maybe Jesus will be along in a few days to bring Matt forth from the grave. Otherwise we must simply hope for the resurrection and the return of our Lord.
8:47 AM
the dirk said...
BTW for those not familiar with my sense of humour: the above should in no way be taken as serious theological musings.
8:48 AM
futile ranter said...
Well, let's just say Matt is in a better place if the belief that faith in Christ brings eternal life. If however, there is such a thing as reincarnation, I hope he is enjoying his new life buzzing around and feasting on human blood.
3:17 PM
futile ranter said...
On another note, I see we are closer to 100. When the number of jumpers was nearing the 1000 mark on the golden gate bridge, the police actually stopped reporting them for fear that some desperate, lonely people would be tempted to be number 1000 in order to give their sad lives some sort of notoriety. so, let the scramble to 100 begin all my fellow nobodies!
3:22 PM
Chuck said...
Who cares about what happens to humans when they die. What about the worms, man, the worms!
4:05 PM
the dirk said...
I can see the blog lurkers now. Logging in every 5 minutes so as not to miss the opportunity to make the 100th post. Their lives consumed by this one desire. Food, social interaction, employment, all forsaken that this one goal may be reached. But enough about me. . . :)
5:22 PM
joe said...
..yeah, I'll see that, and raise you one... gimme another bourbon...
7:49 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:54 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:56 PM
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joe said...
in prayer for you
10:42 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Matt,
I feel your pain with the moving thing, although I am certain I actually would enjoy the rusty can slightly more than moving. I think I will burn down my storage unit (then get arrested, then have absolutely NO possesions, thus beating you).
Know that while I am away, I am thinking about you and the house, and will pray that all becomes settled again. I hope we can all bear some of your emotional pain for you; we are here to support you even though you always seem to be the one assuming that role for us. Let everyone's Love for you be a solace and refuge for your heart (in addition to dad, of course). Do whatever you need to, but remember that you are on our minds.
God bless you, buddy!
2:58 PM
Erika Elves said...
I hear you on the spiritual attack thing.
This week I have been feeling...uneasy. Like something is wrong. There is nothing that I can think of that would be wrong, although I can always find lots of things to worry about.
It's like there's an anvil hanging over my head.
Keep slugging on - we're all in this together.
11:05 AM
Paul Seburn said...
take heart comrade! this man has moved 8 times.... with 3 or 4 children! You'll get through it and you'll be stronger as a result. there's something about all that stress and latent depression and rage coming to the surface that somehow is ultimately a good thing.l for right now however "it sucks to be you" faith hope and love
11:53 AM
Jeff Alberda said...
Thinking of you bud.
12:17 PM
Chuck said...
Okay, everybody now, "Lean on me, when you're not stroeeong!"
I think my unease comes from the fact that I feel no unease when I should feel the same as you. So everyone just jump on Chuck's back and I'll take you as far as I can, as long as you all man the stretchers when I crash hard.
Love ya man.
7:11 PM
Rach said...
Matt I hear ya. We talked moderately on Saturday night, but rest assured my thoughts are with you. Also wanted to say thanks for continuing to look out for me even when you are hard put to do it. I appreciate the soup....and even more than that, the thought. Love you Pope-alicious!
7:59 PM
Anonymous said...
hey matt,
you'd feel a lot better if you would come visist us in dear old saskatchewan... you are welcome anytime! hugs, Kimmy
12:31 PM
futile ranter said...
Matt, I know things look bad but Saskatchewan is not the answer!
1:00 PM
the dirk said...
Saskatchewan is always the answer. But only because old friends live there.
1:16 PM
Some young guy said...
Calgary! You really need to move back to Calgary! Come on! We miss ya down here! I think you need to reacquaint yourself with some old, dear, close friends who miss you and love you! Guess who this is, and you win a used lollipop.
9:04 PM
Jeff Alberda said...
Now is not the time big guy. You have to move into your new communal living setup on Saturday.
12:04 PM
Chuck said...
Wow, so many comments for a Boo-Hoo-I'm-So-Hard-Done-By post!
I realize that Edmonton is not all that glitters and shines, but Cowtown and the "Land of the Living Skies" (Way to play up the one thing you've got lots of!) are not what you might call upgrades, friends or no.
Just thought I would add some more fuel to this rivalry fire and get those flames a soarin'. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my provincial rivalries fa-laming!
3:34 PM
Anonymous said...
LISTEN, it is not necessarily the Saskatchewan sunsets that Matt needs to be seeing - although they are exceptionally beautiful. it is the old friends. Matt and I have had a very intimate relationship, quiet a bit of it stemming from our love of all things tall, skinny, red, and hairy. nevertheless, i have almost forgotten what he looks like as i have not seen him in a looonnggg time. In case you are wondering, he has seen enough me to NEVER forget what i look like...hey mattie, remember that morning on my parents couch right before my wedding??? Matt- if you know what's good for you, you will come and see us before i do more reminiscing on this blog thing!!!!!! Evil KIMMY
4:08 PM
Some Calgary punk said...
Hey, Matt;
Looks like all your old friends are back "in town".
How are things, Kimmy? How is Brad?
6:29 PM
Some Calgary punk said...
I'm not bugging you, you're bugging meeeeee!
6:30 PM
futile ranter said...
I'm just typing to see if I can help get your comments over 20.
7:09 AM
the dirk said...
Hey some Calgary punk. Brad's doing fine. You mean you can't see through my thinly disguised alias?
8:56 AM
Chuck said...
19
1:34 PM
Chuck said...
20!!!!!
1:34 PM
Rach said...
Oh my lord. This is out of hand.
Matt....B.C. is actually where you're the most needed. By the way, I'm here now.
11:14 PM
Joe said...
#22 - now put an end to this. I had the first comment, and so I must have the last.
Go to bed.
All of you.
It is finished
5:56 PM
Jeff Alberda said...
Beep
7:35 PM
the dirk said...
I wonder what the record is for the most comments on a blog? Surely it must be much higher than 24.
8:45 AM
Anonymous said...
I saw one blog that had over 400 comments on one post...we have a long way to go. I suggest we submit matt's url to a spambot for online poker ads.
Joe
12:29 PM
Chuck said...
Darth Vader's blog has over 800 entries on the last post, all of them real!
9:34 AM
the dirk said...
Perhaps if Matt would post a new entry we would have something else to comment on rather than just the growing list of comments :)
8:27 AM
futile ranter said...
Ya, like maybe a link to a certain book.
12:48 PM
Joe said...
Or we could start a sub-post in the comments without him even being aware, thus hijacking the blog to out own purposes. If we get enough comments on board, we could drive up his google ranking on the topic of "worm fed composting"; which is a viable form of reducing kitchen waste. Worm composting seminars are held at the Jansen nature center every month.
10:22 PM
futile ranter said...
Well in that case, here's number 30!
8:31 AM
the dirk said...
See the thing I like about worm fed composting is that the process moves more quickly than wormless composting. It also provides steady work for worms who would otherwise end up as fish bait.
8:52 AM
Erika Elves said...
This is certainly true - as long as you don't lose them all to a good rain storm. Why do the worms always end up on the sidewalk to get stepped on?
12:16 PM
the dirk said...
They end up on the sidewalk because their little worm holes fill up with water and they need to come up for air. A well maintained compost pile on the other hand is absorbant enough to soak up the rain water without drowning the worms out of their cozy little worm holes, thus also providing a safe working enviroment.
4:53 PM
the dirk said...
In fact, every worm I have ever known has wanted to get a job in worm fed composting due to the work environment and excellent benefits package.
4:56 PM
Chuck said...
That is a good point, however, not completely true. While most well-adjusted worms do in fact desire the prestigous positions in the composting field, the less well-known and vastly more lucrative world of the underground worm sex trade is the preferred choice for worms in the know.
5:15 PM
Joe said...
There is not a great deal of profit in that trade, contrary to popular misconceptions. Many young and ambitious worms enter that profession only to find that worms are in fact hermaphrodites. Thus the expenditure profit ratio can be quite low.
7:36 PM
futile ranter said...
While that is true in regards to other worms, there is still much money to be made from other creatures such as beetles and spiders who are interested in exploring other sexual options.
12:08 PM
the dirk said...
I'm not sure how this thread managed to degenerate into a discussion of the invertibrate sex trade. Matt, will you please post something so we can start a new discussion!?!
1:32 PM
Chuck said...
Maybe we should organize a group of invertibrate missionaries to convert the heathens from their alternate lifestyles. We could set up little revivals and shelters for worms and others to get back on their..."feet". We could provide a compost pile for them to work in and earn a living. Kind of like a Neon Rider thing.
1:37 PM
Joe said...
Chuck - by "invertebrate missionaries", do you mean outreach to the invertebrates, or that the missionaries themselves are spineless?
2:18 PM
Anonymous said...
Good idea Chuck! It breaks my heart to see the way these insects and worms live. Together in a small colony, unable to do anything apart from the group, no seperate identity. Really rather cultish.
8:27 AM
the dirk said...
Here's an idea. Perhaps we could purchase a compost pile or some other typical invertibrate "house." Then we would have a few of our invertibrate missionaries move into the compost pile to create authentic community within which the pagan worms could first encounter true faith and experience what it is to live the gospel. We could even call the compost pile "The House." Soon the compost "House" would be teeming with invertibrates of every kind eager to partake in the experiences they have secretly been longing for.
9:07 AM
futile ranter said...
The Dirk, if that is your real name, I believe I speak for all my fellow house members when I say, outside after school by the bike racks.
10:43 AM
Erika Elves said...
Oooh, can I watch? Can I hold your coat?
12:19 PM
Chuck said...
I think we would have to raise up some of native worms to become the missionaries. It's one thing for a fully vertebrated individual to talk all high and mighty about the way things are, but we will never really get through unless we find some fellow believers among the worms. After all, can we truly know the detailed inner workings of the worm psyche? Can we ever be more than an objective observer? We mjust be wary of these issues lest we repeat the travisties of imposing our views and values on yet another culture.
3:35 PM
Chuck said...
Oooh, and we need a fancy slogan to put on wristbands and stuff! Something like "What Would Worm-Jesus Do?" or "In case of rapture this hole will be unwormed" or "My other home is a botanical garden" or "I'd rather be eating a golf course".
7:24 PM
Joe said...
We could also have a giant eqipping and ministry conference, maybe call it "Squirm Forth" - invite big name snakes & such...
8:11 PM
Rach said...
Holy Mother of the invertibrate underworld! I am at a loss for worms...*ahem*...words.
3:14 PM
Chuck said...
"O where, O where can that little Matt be? O where, O where can he be?"
8:39 AM
Chuck said...
Who gets the 50th post? Oh that's right I do! Ahahahahaha...haha...ha...whoooo!
8:40 AM
the dirk said...
So I was at the bike racks after school, where were all of you "house people?"
p.s. You failed to mention which school, so I went to Caronport Elementary.
Anyway. I was simply trying to say that incarnational ministry would be more effective with worms than mass media or handing out tracts. :)
10:56 AM
futile ranter said...
So did we! Oh wait, did you go to the east side bike racks or the west?
12:31 PM
Chuck said...
I think I got confused and went to the worm hill. All I found were some rowdy worms, itching to pick a fight. Oh yeah, they seem so cute and cudly on the outside, but just wait 'til they turn on you!
4:32 PM
the dirk said...
It's becoming very obvious that many of us spend more time on Matt's blog than he does. (either that or he's lurking on his own blog). I find this very disappointing as he would make a great leader to take charge of our great mission to the worms.
8:26 AM
the dirk said...
However, I have found a problem with trying to evangelize worms. If you take Isiah 66:24 as a reference to hell, as Jesus does in Mark 9:48. Then worms can also achieve immortality in hell, and they will have plenty of food there too. The only downside for them is that the fire also is never quenched, so we would need to exploit that point in the heaven/hell discussion.
8:32 AM
Joe said...
That may be a bit of a problem, however, I think the key is in empowering the worms and setting them free to be themselves in the full wormhood they were created for- even if their particular giftedness seems only to be the consumption of the damned. Thus to fully empower them, we need to ensure that more people are sent to hell. I suggest we begin by having a men's breakfast, followed by a ladies tea and sewing bee.
10:34 AM
the dirk said...
Perhaps one of us should write a book called "The Purpose-Driven Worm," and spin it off into a program called "40 Worms of Purpose" or something like that?
11:14 AM
futile ranter said...
If it is being suggested that I attend sewing bees, I can personally ensure to my invertibrates in Christ that there will be a few people that will be sent to hell shortly.
11:16 AM
futile ranter said...
I think the key to making Christ know to the worms is to make the Bible more relatable. Take for instance the story of Jonah. What worm could not relate as deaths spike dramatically in the summer months due to fishing related murders? And what better analogy for Christ's reserection?
11:32 AM
Anonymous said...
By the way, Matt if you're reading this, it's just sad that Mack has a more up to date blog than you.
12:03 PM
Chuck said...
As an aspiring linguist and lover of Greek and Hebrew, I believe it is obvious that we need to translate the Holy Scriptures into Worm Basic. I mean it's all well and good to talk about the unreached people groups in the world, but aren't we being a little bit...specist? What about the worms, man, the worms? We need to send in some linguists to assess worm communication and construct a formal alphabet and dictionary. Although, I think the worm language would end up being more of an interpretive dance kind of thing.
2:18 PM
the dirk said...
OK we're coming up on one month now since Matt last posted. Is it time to send out a search party?
8:25 AM
futile ranter said...
Maybe if we stop leaving comments, he'll write again.
8:31 AM
Chuck said...
I wonder if blogger has a concept of squater's rights, that if we are the only ones here for a solid month we can take over the blog and Matt will have to start a new on about how he never has time to blog anymore.
6:21 PM
Chuck said...
Wow, the day after the big one month anniversary of Matt's last post and the fanfare has died to a mutter. Could it be that this blog is a Bermuda Triangle of bloggers, where people start out with the best intentions of posting/commenting every day only to fall by the wayside? Could it be that even the commentors fall prey to this crusher of wills? Oh the humanity!
4:49 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Out of the watery deep rises one... one who has mightly overcome the Bermudaness of this particular triangle... one who has triangulatory powers mightier than Stephen Hawking... verily, he shall forevermore refuse to allow the good citizens of Blog to fall by the wayside in their campaign for truth, justice, and equality, including the right to squat over whomever's blog they shall choose to squat, and the existential right to ramble on incoherently about whatever they shall choose to ramble about, and the inalienable right to continue a sentence for however long they damn well feel like it, almost to the point of creating a run-on paragraph. Yes, this person, nay, hero, shall be revealed to the masses... his name is The Big MacK!!!
8:45 PM
Uncle MacK said...
You may now fall to your knees and "donate" your required three easy payments of $33.33! The Big MacK feel generous today, and so he will allow you to prostrate yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable.
9:54 PM
Chuck said...
And if you act now we'll throw in this set of solar-powered steak knives. But wait that's not all! If you call in the next 13 seconds we'll give you an autographed copy of Matt's very own, brand new book!...stand...cover...coupon.
8:50 AM
joe said...
Hey you kids - get off my lawn!
1:54 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Yes, Chuck, these beautiful, intelligent people can act now and save, but today we are primarily promoting getting SAVED!!!! Our primary offer today is a small vial of holy water for a donation of only $60.00US! Anoint your throat with this amazing God-powered liquid!!! Feel pentecost in your mouth all over again ladies and gentlemen, this miracle cure will heal whatever ails ya! Also, by becoming a Christian by subscribing to our regular members club, you will become filthy rich, get chicks for free, money for nothin', and any sports car you want! Act now, save, get saved, and so on!
< / acidic-sarcastic TV evangelism commentary>
6:01 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Incidentally, I actually watched Peter Popoff's show for about three minutes, and that was pretty much a valid paraphrase. Yep, screw you guys, I'm going to his Church!
6:03 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Hey! We're almost three-quarters of the way to the big 1-0-0!
6:04 PM
Uncle MacK said...
Oh look, even closer yet...
6:04 PM
Anonymous said...
Let me have a look...you're right, it is getting closer!
8:22 PM
Joe said...
ahhhh...I think we are 3 quarters of the way there
9:32 PM
futile ranter said...
How is that Matt hasn't gotten any Spam yet?
8:51 AM
Joe said...
you mean all of this isn't? I thought it was just "personalized spam"...
9:11 AM
futile ranter said...
I prefer to think of myself as a social muser
11:09 AM
Anonymous said...
79
1:25 PM
Anonymous said...
80!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1:25 PM
Chuck said...
Wait a minute. Did you get that water from a natural spring in Russia? Did God instruct you to bless it? Does it come with instructions on how to use it (lather, rinse, repeat)? And most importantly, does it come in a little plastic tube with the easy-to-rip-off top? Oh man, I've been looking everywhere for some of that stuff!
2:42 PM
futile ranter said...
I believe he got it from thine holy watering hose
2:46 PM
Anonymous said...
I tried making holy water once, but every time I pulled my finger out the hole would fill in.
4:01 PM
Chuck said...
I just looked back at the original post and the first few comments. It's funny to see how this whole thing progressed. And I wonder if Joe is still in prayer for Matt or if he's given up altogether.
9:48 PM
the dirk said...
Praying for Matt would only be effective if he were still alive, unless you are in the practice of praying for the dead. Given that the evidence for him being alive is very thin at this point, Joe praying may well be in vain.
11:40 AM
Joe said...
well, that of course raises the strange question of how we interpret that section about baptism on behalf of the dead (cook it up in a concordance) which Paul speaks about.
we do have faith in the power of the resurrection, although I wonder if there is a blog equivalent for "Lord, he hath been dead in the tomb these four days now, surely he stinketh".
this is now the lazarus blog.
8:13 PM
the dirk said...
Well if we believe that those believers who have died don't die, but go to be with the Lord then they are not dead but alive. Thus, if we pray for them, we're not really praying for the dead but for those who live in the Lord's presence. If on the other hand praying for the dead is for those who die in disbelief, then they are truly dead and apart from the Lord, except that the Bible indicates they will be held for final judgement, so then they also are not completely dead either. Perhaps they are just mostly dead (cross reference The Princess Bride). But what would it avail to pray for them as their judgement in now sure and inevitable.
If Matt were around he could help us out as he has thoroughly studied questions of the fate of the dead and the true nature of what lies beyond the grave. I remember a book by Robert Morey that was particularly helpful to him in this study. Maybe Jesus will be along in a few days to bring Matt forth from the grave. Otherwise we must simply hope for the resurrection and the return of our Lord.
8:47 AM
the dirk said...
BTW for those not familiar with my sense of humour: the above should in no way be taken as serious theological musings.
8:48 AM
futile ranter said...
Well, let's just say Matt is in a better place if the belief that faith in Christ brings eternal life. If however, there is such a thing as reincarnation, I hope he is enjoying his new life buzzing around and feasting on human blood.
3:17 PM
futile ranter said...
On another note, I see we are closer to 100. When the number of jumpers was nearing the 1000 mark on the golden gate bridge, the police actually stopped reporting them for fear that some desperate, lonely people would be tempted to be number 1000 in order to give their sad lives some sort of notoriety. so, let the scramble to 100 begin all my fellow nobodies!
3:22 PM
Chuck said...
Who cares about what happens to humans when they die. What about the worms, man, the worms!
4:05 PM
the dirk said...
I can see the blog lurkers now. Logging in every 5 minutes so as not to miss the opportunity to make the 100th post. Their lives consumed by this one desire. Food, social interaction, employment, all forsaken that this one goal may be reached. But enough about me. . . :)
5:22 PM
joe said...
..yeah, I'll see that, and raise you one... gimme another bourbon...
7:49 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:54 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:55 PM
Anonymous said...
Hard Week
This has been a difficult week for me. I feel my emotions ramping up, I am short with people I love, and I do stupid things without thinking. Of course, I am moving this week, and I am entirely in transition, and there is a hard toll that takes on someone like me. I HATE moving with all the firey passion of a thousand thousand suns. I think the only think I would dislike doing more than moving is castrating myself with a rust tin can lid in an alley in Mogadishu, and then only by a little bit. Anyway...
It is strange that most of this week I have been feeling almost uncontrollably emotional. There have been times riding the bus, or walking when I almost broke out into tears for no good reason. There have been times when I have had to walk away from people to keep myself from crying. I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. My thoughts have been relatively ordered and peaceful. I feel a sense of certainty and clarity about what I am doing. I find myself wanting to just break down and cry. This is odd for me. Over the past few days I have had to bring to bear most of my mental discipline just to control my emotions. For this, I think I have appeared withdrawn or uncommunicative to people.
The weird thing is that there is nothing in my life that I should be depressed about, and when I feel this way, nothing comes to my mind that I feel bad about. I think it just started with one bad day, and then another, and another and another.
First, I have not published yet this month. Usually by this time of the month I have sold at least two short stories. So far, I have had none. That is a huge portion of my income that is not going to be there. Additionally, I was supposed to be leading a retreat this weekend in Canmore. At the last moment it was canceled. Again, another ($700) portion of my income is gone. Not good. Usually, I am the last person in the world to worry about money, and I am not worried, its more like the feeling that it never rains, but it pours, you know?
If the problem was just financial, I wouldn't bat an eye, and my life wouldn't change.
We are moving into the House next weekend. (yay!) Chuck, Erika, Jeremy and I are all ramping up to move in, and we're all getting things settled and talked out and blah, blah, blah. Usually, I am the VERY last person to talk about this type of thing, but I think that we are encountering a moderately decent amount of spiritual resistence, and it is taking its toll on me. I think that the enemy resists us when we are on the cusp of something great. I will not commit hermeneutical violence by saying that spiritual attack equals affirmation or validation. However, I will say that it has been har don me.
I don't really know what I am trying to say in this post, I just thought I needed to share.
Well, there you go.
11:56 PM
Isn't it time we move on?
Yes, I think we must let go.
Move on to what? This thread has become our life. There is no meaning beyond posting here. To whom or what else shall we turn?
Perhaps the continuance of this discussion is so slender thread that is holding Matt's sanity together, every new comment is another tenuous handhold that keeps him from slipping into the darkness that stalks us all... kind of like in Peter Pan they brought tinkerbell back to life by clapping, maybe we can keep Matt alive by commenting...
Every time a blogger stop commenting another Matt dies.
Well here's my token post for the day. It's the least I can do to keep Matt alive.
really though, this is the most Christ like thing - Matt has sacrificied his own blog for us. he has laid down his ability to post, given up the glory that was his due, so that we lesser creatures could use up his valuable bandwith. a true example of sacrifice, of agape, of the kind of selfless reaching out and giving of one's whole blog for the sake of others.
So what you are saying, Joe, is that Matt's blog has gone to the very depths of hell to conquer death? Because in that case, I think The blog should have been resurrected by now. Maybe it failed...
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Can't. . . let. . . thread. . . die. . .
Must. . . keep. . . posting. . .
Must. . . keep. . . posting. . .
