Canticles of the Unhomed
Friday, December 23, 2005
That Time
Well, its THAT time of year again.
You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, THAT that time of year.
Everyone knows my feelings about that time. I will not bore you with restatement. But, it is time for my annual Christmas blog post, and so here we go.
I notice that I have beat Jayson to the punch. Check out my rant from last year, here.
You can check out his - kind of - here.
So I am coming to this Christmas and thinking, what's it going to be this year?
Last Christmas I was fortunate enough to spend the Christmas season with Adam and his completely normal and well adjusted family. :) That was fun, and I made some new friends.
This Christmas I will be spending Christmas alone. I have no family entanglements, and everyone at the House will be busy with family. I am hoping to just keep my head down and weather the storm.
I wonder what will happen to our culture as more and more people lose their ability to tolerate the forms of this holiday. I am finding more and more people, who like myself, have given up on the holiday and are searching for more authentic and less painful ways to spend the season.
When I think about it, I am forced to admit that I have no positive memories of Christmas for the last ten years. During college, I would return home to find a family dissolving around me, not willing to admit it to themselves or anyone else and in the meantime force themselves to have this empty, shiny happy Christmas. After college and grad school, I was working in a church, and got exposed to the church busyness cult. That pretty much sucked all the remaining joy out of Christmas.
So, here we are at Christmas again. I feel it is necessary for me to not ruin the season for others. As hard as it is to believe, there are people out there who actually enjoy Christmas. They have positive memories, of family dinners, laughter, egg nog and carols. These are the people that look forward to Christmas all year, who can't wait to decorate the tree, and the house, and plan Christmas parties, and start their Christmas baking, do their Christmas shopping and so on. Personally, it makes the bile rise in my throat, but if they enjoy it, and it makes them happy, I don't want to ruin that. Contrary to popular belief, I am trying very hard not to ruin Christmas for others. But it is hard. When you see no redeeming qualities at all in the season, it is hard for a bastard like me to not point that out to others.
I know one person who doesn't really like Christmas, but instead throws herself into charity work for the season, and that does it for her. Admirable. In fact, I tried that this year - it helped - a little. The idea that i was making Christmas a little better for others actually made Christmas easier to handle.
I think the next couple of weeks is going to be the hardest. This is when the Christmas stuff kicks into high gear, and I am innundated with joyeux noel-isms. I can see depression setting up camp on my doorstep. There is a reason why the suicide rate spikes at this time of year. As Christmas becomes harder and harder to ignore, I will be forced to rely more and more on my own dubious mental health and discipline. But God is here.
I was hanging out with some new friends the other day, and I was talking about my dislike of Christmas. At one point I said that I hate everything that has to do with Christmas. One person said, "What about Jesus?" To which I was able to reply, very wittily I might add, "Its a good thing that Jesus has nothing to do with Christmas." Ha! I laugh at my own jokes and ignore how incredibly lame that is. :)
If you want to know my philosophical and theological reasons for disliking Christmas, check out last year's post. Mostly, though, more than the theological, philosophical and historical reasons, its the emotional reasons that drive me and end up sticking the hardest. Over the past couple of years I have been trying to shave off everything from my life that does not contribute positively to my evolution. When you have nothing but bad memories of Christmas, and there is just no joy left in it for you, I say GET RID OF IT. When did Christ ever say that we should celebrate his birth, anyway?
I know what you are thinking. Why not make new, happy memories for Christmas? Take back what was taken from me, and reclaim Christmas for myself and my own happiness. After all, I am responsible for my own happiness. Well, you're right. However, I treat my life like a trauma victim. Kind of an alarming analogy, but apt nonetheless. My life is like a trauma victim with a whole host of injuries, some more serious than others. I take care of the most pressing issues first, and then move on. Sadly, Christmas is the equivalent of a hangnail on a burn victim. Somehow I can't see the ER docs putting off the skin grafts to treat the hangnail.
So in the end, all I can say is,
Happy Fucking Holidays
and
Happy Festivus
You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, THAT that time of year.
Everyone knows my feelings about that time. I will not bore you with restatement. But, it is time for my annual Christmas blog post, and so here we go.
I notice that I have beat Jayson to the punch. Check out my rant from last year, here.
You can check out his - kind of - here.
So I am coming to this Christmas and thinking, what's it going to be this year?
Last Christmas I was fortunate enough to spend the Christmas season with Adam and his completely normal and well adjusted family. :) That was fun, and I made some new friends.
This Christmas I will be spending Christmas alone. I have no family entanglements, and everyone at the House will be busy with family. I am hoping to just keep my head down and weather the storm.
I wonder what will happen to our culture as more and more people lose their ability to tolerate the forms of this holiday. I am finding more and more people, who like myself, have given up on the holiday and are searching for more authentic and less painful ways to spend the season.
When I think about it, I am forced to admit that I have no positive memories of Christmas for the last ten years. During college, I would return home to find a family dissolving around me, not willing to admit it to themselves or anyone else and in the meantime force themselves to have this empty, shiny happy Christmas. After college and grad school, I was working in a church, and got exposed to the church busyness cult. That pretty much sucked all the remaining joy out of Christmas.
So, here we are at Christmas again. I feel it is necessary for me to not ruin the season for others. As hard as it is to believe, there are people out there who actually enjoy Christmas. They have positive memories, of family dinners, laughter, egg nog and carols. These are the people that look forward to Christmas all year, who can't wait to decorate the tree, and the house, and plan Christmas parties, and start their Christmas baking, do their Christmas shopping and so on. Personally, it makes the bile rise in my throat, but if they enjoy it, and it makes them happy, I don't want to ruin that. Contrary to popular belief, I am trying very hard not to ruin Christmas for others. But it is hard. When you see no redeeming qualities at all in the season, it is hard for a bastard like me to not point that out to others.
I know one person who doesn't really like Christmas, but instead throws herself into charity work for the season, and that does it for her. Admirable. In fact, I tried that this year - it helped - a little. The idea that i was making Christmas a little better for others actually made Christmas easier to handle.
I think the next couple of weeks is going to be the hardest. This is when the Christmas stuff kicks into high gear, and I am innundated with joyeux noel-isms. I can see depression setting up camp on my doorstep. There is a reason why the suicide rate spikes at this time of year. As Christmas becomes harder and harder to ignore, I will be forced to rely more and more on my own dubious mental health and discipline. But God is here.
I was hanging out with some new friends the other day, and I was talking about my dislike of Christmas. At one point I said that I hate everything that has to do with Christmas. One person said, "What about Jesus?" To which I was able to reply, very wittily I might add, "Its a good thing that Jesus has nothing to do with Christmas." Ha! I laugh at my own jokes and ignore how incredibly lame that is. :)
If you want to know my philosophical and theological reasons for disliking Christmas, check out last year's post. Mostly, though, more than the theological, philosophical and historical reasons, its the emotional reasons that drive me and end up sticking the hardest. Over the past couple of years I have been trying to shave off everything from my life that does not contribute positively to my evolution. When you have nothing but bad memories of Christmas, and there is just no joy left in it for you, I say GET RID OF IT. When did Christ ever say that we should celebrate his birth, anyway?
I know what you are thinking. Why not make new, happy memories for Christmas? Take back what was taken from me, and reclaim Christmas for myself and my own happiness. After all, I am responsible for my own happiness. Well, you're right. However, I treat my life like a trauma victim. Kind of an alarming analogy, but apt nonetheless. My life is like a trauma victim with a whole host of injuries, some more serious than others. I take care of the most pressing issues first, and then move on. Sadly, Christmas is the equivalent of a hangnail on a burn victim. Somehow I can't see the ER docs putting off the skin grafts to treat the hangnail.
So in the end, all I can say is,
Happy Fucking Holidays
and
Happy Festivus
:: written by Matt Thompson, 1:49 PM
6 Comments:
And I was going to wish you a Merry Christmas--well I still will--
as for the end of your post you should read a comment you linked to-
"Two days ago I posted my feelings on Christmas. I used strong language and in doing so may have offended some of you. For that I apologize. In the context of the church plant I am involved in it is appropriate to use this language and no one from our church is or will be offended. My feelings on Christmas remain the same. Saying that, this is a public site and there are many who read this who aren’t part of this context. I used impaired judgement in regards to my language on this site and I apologize to anyone who was hurt by my thoughts and expressions."
(emphasis added)
But Merry Christmas nevertheless.
as for the end of your post you should read a comment you linked to-
"Two days ago I posted my feelings on Christmas. I used strong language and in doing so may have offended some of you. For that I apologize. In the context of the church plant I am involved in it is appropriate to use this language and no one from our church is or will be offended. My feelings on Christmas remain the same. Saying that, this is a public site and there are many who read this who aren’t part of this context. I used impaired judgement in regards to my language on this site and I apologize to anyone who was hurt by my thoughts and expressions."
(emphasis added)
But Merry Christmas nevertheless.
I am the person who wrote that comment...
You ever make an apology because that will keep the peace, save some relationships, and let the immature Christian grow, but you're not really sorry? Yeah, that's exactly what that was about...I offended some sensitive fundamentalist christian guy within my denomination and instead of keeping up the post I choose to fight another a different battle with him (he really just couldn't handle this one).
I wholeheartily agree with Matt, his post and his feelings regarding Christmas...and here I am, preaching tonight at our own Christmas even service, it's going to be packed...and I am going to preach on what a crock Christmas is, and engage people on what Jesus means, not what Christmas means.
I hate christmas in all it's bullshit, but I love Christ...does that make me a bad follower of Jesus?
You ever make an apology because that will keep the peace, save some relationships, and let the immature Christian grow, but you're not really sorry? Yeah, that's exactly what that was about...I offended some sensitive fundamentalist christian guy within my denomination and instead of keeping up the post I choose to fight another a different battle with him (he really just couldn't handle this one).
I wholeheartily agree with Matt, his post and his feelings regarding Christmas...and here I am, preaching tonight at our own Christmas even service, it's going to be packed...and I am going to preach on what a crock Christmas is, and engage people on what Jesus means, not what Christmas means.
I hate christmas in all it's bullshit, but I love Christ...does that make me a bad follower of Jesus?
Hey celebrate Christmas, or don't--that's fine--there is no Biblical mandate that says we need to. That's not an issue for me.
The use of profanity is inappropriate though--especially by an elder.
And not to make a judgment on you, but to point you to scripture-
Titus 1:6-an elder should..."not accused of dissipation or rebellion."
Titus 1:7- "not quick-tempered"
Titus 1:8- "but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled"
I Tim 3:7-"And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil."
2 Tim 2:16-"But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness"
Philippians 4:8-"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
These speak to the idea of not using profanity.
And if holding to scripture, and quoting it to those who are ministers makes me a fundamentalist or legalist, I say grow up--deal with scripture.
Profanity is often a sign of immaturity as well. I hope that is not the case.
If you're still reading Matt--I came here to see if it was you partly to see what an old friend was up to, and to also apologize and repent of some of things I said and did back when we were both attending the same church.
I still plan to do that.
I remember how much you hate Christmas, and it may be worse now--but that's no excuse for profanity.
Deal with it.
The use of profanity is inappropriate though--especially by an elder.
And not to make a judgment on you, but to point you to scripture-
Titus 1:6-an elder should..."not accused of dissipation or rebellion."
Titus 1:7- "not quick-tempered"
Titus 1:8- "but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled"
I Tim 3:7-"And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil."
2 Tim 2:16-"But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness"
Philippians 4:8-"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
These speak to the idea of not using profanity.
And if holding to scripture, and quoting it to those who are ministers makes me a fundamentalist or legalist, I say grow up--deal with scripture.
Profanity is often a sign of immaturity as well. I hope that is not the case.
If you're still reading Matt--I came here to see if it was you partly to see what an old friend was up to, and to also apologize and repent of some of things I said and did back when we were both attending the same church.
I still plan to do that.
I remember how much you hate Christmas, and it may be worse now--but that's no excuse for profanity.
Deal with it.
At some point, we grow up as adults, I don't especially like Christmas either because of the fact that my family would rather I have died already, than speak my name, and I am ok with that today. That took YEARS of therapy and 4 years of recovery to learn.
At some point we work past the pain and find the light, I think if more poeple sought the light instead of the dark, we'd find the real meaning of Christmas.
At some point we walk out of the past, shut the book, lock it, put it in its place and forget about it. The past only holds us back from encountering the future with joy. Let go and Let God. and remember that "Live and Let Live" also applies here as well.
At some point we are forced to either live in the past or move into the future with those we hold dear. Families of Choice far outnumber the "family of origin," one day the pain will subside when you choose to let go of it.
Dragging all that samsonite luggage behind you gets painful year after year, don't you agree??
It could be worse, you could
1. Be gay
2. Be HIV +
3. Dying
4. Alone
There are far worse pains to visit, and if you'd like to just let me know and I will share my experience with you, but really you could just ask Jayson about me.
Jeremy
At some point we work past the pain and find the light, I think if more poeple sought the light instead of the dark, we'd find the real meaning of Christmas.
At some point we walk out of the past, shut the book, lock it, put it in its place and forget about it. The past only holds us back from encountering the future with joy. Let go and Let God. and remember that "Live and Let Live" also applies here as well.
At some point we are forced to either live in the past or move into the future with those we hold dear. Families of Choice far outnumber the "family of origin," one day the pain will subside when you choose to let go of it.
Dragging all that samsonite luggage behind you gets painful year after year, don't you agree??
It could be worse, you could
1. Be gay
2. Be HIV +
3. Dying
4. Alone
There are far worse pains to visit, and if you'd like to just let me know and I will share my experience with you, but really you could just ask Jayson about me.
Jeremy
Jeremy,
I know your story, and BTW, you are so right its not even funny. The holiday season, like most activities which are spiritually formative, are what you put into them.
Anyway...
This is starting to sound familiar... :)
I know your story, and BTW, you are so right its not even funny. The holiday season, like most activities which are spiritually formative, are what you put into them.
Anyway...
This is starting to sound familiar... :)
as a family member that loves any time that a busy family can take the time to be together i really take offense by what you said i really beleive it is what you make of it.too bad all the xmases that we did give you the love,the thought of making you happy and all that bullshit was for not. i am really glad dad is not around to read this bullshit.as it is i am so deeply hurt i dont know how to feel
