Canticles of the Unhomed
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Optifast Day 4 - Putting Myself at Risk
It is only common sense that overweight people face
weight bias and discrimination on a regular basis. This pressure drives
people to sometimes obsessive and fanatic behavior. I believe we have
all seen the effects of this in society: bulimia,
anorexia nervosa, increasingly dangerous easy access to weight loss
surgery, and insanely intense workout regimes. As well, the portrayal of
obesity and weight loss in the media is skewed and full of bad advice
and even worse science. The overweight person
has become a person of scorn, disgust and pity, often prejudged as
lazy, unstable, unintelligent, unhygienic, socially awkward, sexually
undesirable, unhealthy and lacking self-control.
Some may think that I am overstating the case,
thinking that they do not harbour those attitudes. However, any
overweight person will tell you in a second that all those attitudes are
alive and well among the "skinny" population, and even
to a certain extent among the overweight population.
We don't have to look far in our culture to find
the culturally "ideal" body type. Needless to say, obesity has no place
in that definition. In fact, if anything, this cultural ideal is by
itself far more unhealthy and dangerous than obesity.
Our culture is sensitive to prejudice and
discrimination. We have a highly evolved and sophisticated language to
deal with this. While it is widely maligned as "political correctness,"
we would never consider calling an African American
the "n-word." Just the fact that I have to write it as "the n-word"
demonstrates the power of this cultural movement. We would never call a
Jewish person a "kike," or someone of Middle Eastern descent as a
"packi." It would be a major faux pas to call a person
who is paraplegic a cripple, or someone who is developmentally delayed a
"retard." All these labels have been determined to be negative and
hurtful and rightly so. We would never consider using these slurs in
casual conversation, but we don't hesitate to label
someone "fat," "porky," or some other indelicate euphemism. In a
culture that is perhaps obsessively sensitive to prejudice and
discrimination, we have not extended this to people who are overweight.
I would challenge those of you who are
weight-stable, who can fit comfortably into theatre and airplane seats,
who doesn't have to go to specialty stores to buy expensive clothes, who
doesn't get sweaty and out of breath putting on your
socks, to examine your responses to overweight people. How do you feel
when the overweight guy gets the seat next to you on the plane? Would
you ever date someone who is overweight? Examine your emotions, and your
speech. Are you a closet weight bigot?
 |
| Is Thermogenic even a word?!?! |
Optifast is going well… I am discovering that
hunger pain is not going to be my problem. I have only been doing this
for four days, and already I really miss solid food. Not because I am
hungry, but because I miss the mouth-feel of solid
food, chewing and swallowing. I suppose I could just chew food and then
spit it out. That is so sad. Its going to be a long twelve weeks.
On a good note, I have discovered a way to deal
with the dreaded vanilla shakes. When I mix it, I add a couple of
teaspoons of instant coffee to the mix. It cuts the sweetness, and
actually imparts a bitterness that while not being delightful,
renders the shake relatively flavour neutral and thus inoffensive. I
also get the added benefit of a caffeine rush through my day. I have
also discovered a good description of the vanilla flavour -- its like
drinking really, really cheap melted vanilla ice
cream. You can call it vanilla only in the broadest philosophic sense.
Cheers.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Optifast Day 3 -- Fat Hatred
 |
| Dr. Arya Sharma |
His blog should be required reading for anyone who is interested in weight loss. Here is a world-class leader in obesity research sharing his insight in plain language without commercial bias or monetary agenda. He is not selling anything, he doesn't ask you to buy his program, his supplements or his exercise program. He doesn't promise that you can get a washboard stomach in 15 minutes a day. Everything he offers is backed up with rigorous scientific research and offered without comment or apology. More than anything he is a scientist and a doctor. In my opinion, a guy worth listening to.
One of the concepts that he exposed me to was the idea of weight bias and discrimination. Basically, this is the discrimination and prejudice that overweight people experience mostly from non-overweight people and even sometimes at the hands of overweight people.
Most of the time this anti-weight bias is very implicit and hard to narrow down. Just for example, take the Biggest Loser phenomenon. It turns weight loss and the real struggles that overweight people have with self image and self esteem into a spectacle. At worst it promotes weight-associated stereotypes, unrealistic weight loss goals, and simplistic messages about possible solutions.
On Dr. Sharma's blog he cites a study conducted by Bowling Green State University, Ohio, USA, published in the bariatrics journal Obesity where one group of people were shown one episode of the show, while another control group was shown a nature show. Afterwards, both groups were tested for their attitudes toward obese people. To quote Dr. Sharma:
"Levels of weight bias as measured by the Implicit Associations Test
(IAT), the Obese Person Trait Survey (OPTS), and the Anti-fat Attitudes
scale (AFA) at baseline and following the episode viewing (1 week
later), showed that viewers of The Biggest Loser had significantly
higher levels of dislike of overweight individuals and more strongly
believed that weight is controllable after the exposure.... Interestingly, amongst the participants, those who had lower BMIs and
were not trying to lose weight had significantly higher levels of
dislike of overweight individuals following exposure to The Biggest
Loser compared to similar participants in the control condition."
Anti-weight bias is not just mocking and name calling. It can be very polite, and very subtle. It happens every time someone comes to a conclusion about someone from nothing but their weight, or every time someone feels pity for the poor fat person as they waddle uncomfortably down the street or huff and puff up a flight of stares. It is that mixture of disgust and revulsion people feel when they see us. It happens every time we are underestimated or marginalized because we are overweight. Do you think that seats in movie theatres, cars and airplanes are designed to encourage overweight people to stick around or move along?
I close with another quote from Dr Sharma: "Given the impact that anti-weight bias has on all aspects of trying to
find solutions to obesity (from public health messaging to funding for
obesity research or treatments), not to mention its devastating
emotional and physical impact on people living with excess weight,
perhaps it is time to revisit social norms and acceptability of this
form of entertainment."
So yesterday was kind of a gong-show. I had my morning and lunch shakes, and then Magnus and I went to the flea market - thankfully no mini-donuts were in attendance. My buddy Ninja Steve was nice enough to accompany us, and though we did not find what we were looking for, all three of us came out with some treasures: a wallet and some socks for me, a silk ninja fan for Ninja Steve, and a John Deere excavator and a front end loader for Magnus. I had to rush home to get Miranda up for work in time, and in the hustle and bustle of getting Magnus ready for bed, I didn't get my last two shakes either. I was really hungry and it took all my willpower not to find something in the fridge. To be honest, I did go looking in the fridge but didn't find anything that I could just grab and go. If there had been some easily procured snacks in there like leftovers or something like that I don't think I would have been able to resist eating them.
The food cravings are becoming more powerful. I have been able to separate them from hunger. I don't want to eat because I am hungry, but I think I just miss chewing and swallowing. I miss the texture of solid food. What a strange idea.
Cheers.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Steps to Surgery -- Optifast Day Two
I am having gastric bypass surgery.
For the purpose of exposition:
I weigh approx 220 kg. Up till now that number has been a horrible secret that I have resisted sharing even with myself. Before now, only Miranda has known that number, and my doctors of course.
For the past year and a half I have been part of the Weight Wise Program at the Royal Alex Hospital. The program is a rigorous weight loss therapy which includes sessions with a psychologist, dietician, a MD, an occupational therapist, and a surgeon. All these professionals are specialists in obesity/bariatrics. As well, I attend regular classes on nutrition, exercise and how to manage hunger, cravings, etc. The patients in the program are a tight-knit supportive group, a dimension that I have not been able to experience due to my schedule. However, the interactions that I have had with the professionals have been amazing. They are extremely supportive, and they get to know you personally and actually become some of your greatest cheerleaders. It is an amazing experience to have this team of highly trained and experienced specialists actually treat you like a person with individual and specific concerns rather than just a number. You see these people so often and intensely that the connection is much more profound than just the normal doctor/patient dynamic. For the first time in my life I actually look forward to having conversations with my doctor because I know Renuca actually knows me and genuinely wants me to succeed. Or how my RN Carol goes WAY above and beyond for me and is always really happy to see me and will often stop to chat even when I'm not there to see her.
The main thrust of this program is to resist the fad diets (Atkins, Body by Vi (visalus), P90X, etc) and to teach that obesity is a chronic disease that regardless of how much weight you lose, you will have for the rest of your life, and so you need to make lasting lifestyle changes that you will be able to maintain for the rest of your life. Essentially, they teach you that the things that you are doing right now for losing weight you need to be able to do when you're 75. They focus a lot on education, and equipping for small, achievable changes and goals.
However, the intended culmination of the program is bariatric surgery. This surgery as been clinically proven to virtually eliminate diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and a large number of comorbidities of obesity. However, I am not a diabetic, I don't have high blood pressure, though I do have sleep apnea. In fact, my doctors tell me that I have NONE of the comorbidities of obesity. (A comorbidity is any disease or disorder that is a side-effect of another disease or disorder) I am obese, but my good and bad cholesterols are perfect, my blood pressure is perfect, my liver and kidney functions are perfect, I am not at risk of diabetes (I have been tested several times because there is diabetes in my immediate family - my resting glucose is 3.2 mmol/L) and several ECG's and stress tests have proven that my heart is good and not under abnormal stress. In fact, my doctor has said that other than being overweight I am as healthy as a healthy skinny person, and that I am actually healthier than the average "skinny" person. (For the sake of fully disclosure, I am slightly anemic, but Renuca pointed out on Friday that seems to be correcting. I also have lymphodema in my legs and have recently had a bad brush with cellulitis, but neither of those conditions are endemic to obesity and are just as prevalent in people with a BMI of <40) This says something about our culture's skewed and negative attitudes and education about obesity, but more on that in another post.
My doctors have been telling me that I would be an excellent candidate for gastric bypass surgery, and Miranda and I have decided to go ahead with it. The benefits FAR, FAR, FAR outweigh the risk. In the space of 2-3 years I will reasonably lose about 120 kg - that's 265 lbs. That's not even a best case scenario. However, living with gastric bypass is not easy and will require MASSIVE lifestyle changes. But more on that in a different post.
As prelude to surgery, my doctors have placed me on a liquid Optifast diet in order to lose enough weight to increase the safety of the surgery. So, for the next 12 weeks I will be living off of NOTHING except 5 protein shakes a day. (Although I can consume any zero-calorie food - diet pop, crystal light, etc) They expect that I will lose about 5-10 pounds a week. I will be seeing the doctor every week and be getting blood work every week as well. They want to monitor me very closely during this procedure because the optifast procedure is very intensive.
So during this process I have decided to blog my day to day interactions with the optifast, weight loss in general, and some of the things that I have learned about weight loss in general.
Today is day two. I would have started on day one but I didn't get the idea until today.
I am finding that the shakes are incredibly filling. They are mostly protein, so that will make me feel full, so hunger pain should not be a problem, but I find that I am craving food just for the act of chewing and the feeling of eating solid food, and this is only after one day. I am trying to tap the discipline that I learned at the monastery, but that if proving difficult. Yesterday the trial was the leftover pizza in the fridge. A number of people suggested that I throw it out, but I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be afraid of food. Its just as well. Magnus and Miranda ate it, so now its gone. Today, Magnus and I are going to the Super Flea Market and they have minidonuts. That will be my trial for today.
The taste is the other negative. If you have ever had Ensure or Boost then you will be more or less familiar with the overall flavour, although the optifast is much thicker. The chocolate is not too bad, but the vanilla is just weird. Its really thick and sweet, and only tastes like vanilla in only the broadest, most artificial sense. I find that I need to chase it immediately with water or crystal light just to cope with it. Keeping that in mind I am trying to get through the vanilla as quickly as possible, so for the next three days, I will be just doing the vanilla.
Monday, February 18, 2008
The New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing
So my wife and I voyaged, quite intrepidly, into the dark maw from which there is no escape, otherwise known as the local Christian bookstore. I know; I can barely believe it myself.
What's more, contrary to my firmly held conviction, I bought a book. In fact, I bought THREE. I know, the heaven shall surely fall. Actually, the first two doesn't really count, since I have read them before, and they are two of my favorite books: Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning and Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren. These are books that I have owned before, and have lent out and never gotten back, so I didn't mind buying them again.
However, the third was the book you see to the right. Punk Monk: The New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing by Pete Greig and Andy Freeman.
The book explores the concept of building a new "post-post modern" monasticism built around the concepts of 24-7 prayer and a construct called the "Boiler Rooms." I have not gotten far into the book yet, but I have gleaned that they have their own rule of life that is built around two purposes (prayer and the practice of the Christian life), three principles (being true to Christ, being kind to people, and being missional), and six fundamental practices (prayer, creativity, hospitality, mercy, learning and mission). Their rule sums up their commitment “not to buildings but to community,” which I find extremely interesting.
Having been a monk myself, I fine that I am continually drawn to that kind of life. However, I cannot reconcile the cloistered life with Christ's clear imperative to missionalism. I have often thought if there was a way to bring the core concepts of monasticism into the 21st century. Some would say that was at the heart of the House.
I resonate withe the concept of the purposes, principles and practices. I am excited to read more. I will undoubtedly write more as I go.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Visitation
So now that everyone is gone, perhaps I should poke my head up.
Much time has past and many things have happened. When I think of where I was when last I wrote on this blog, and where I now sit writing this, the mind boggles.I wonder, though, why I write this. I am near to sure that anyone who once read this blog have well since stopped coming to check it. In fact, most of the people who once read this blog no longer have blogs themselves, and most likely the whole blog phenomena has now passed, forgotten, into some kind of internet oblivion. In fact, it is entirely likely that no one will ever read this, and I am like the archer firing arrows into the dark.
Perhaps it is better that way. I found that when I knew that people I saw everyday were reading the blog, I would naturally edit myself, because I didn't want people to be offended or think less of me. In fact, I found that I would write for the express purpose of impressing them.
In fact, I don't really know why I am even writing this, though I believe I would like to start writing on as regular a basis as possible. I haven't been writing as often as I would like in the past year or so. I find that I lack the mental space to be able to find the desire.
So we will see what will happen. I don't really know what I shall write; the idea of just creating a record of daily events is horrible, since nothing ever happens during my day... :)
So we will see what will happen.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Apotheosis
A lesser light sought God's face/
Phusis asked the lesser light/
Do you know what you are looking for>//
Imago dei answered the lesser light///
Phusis said/
Buy new shoes]///
//kwatz!//
//kwatz!//
Phusis asked the lesser light/
Do you know what you are looking for>//
Imago dei answered the lesser light///
Phusis said/
Buy new shoes]///
//kwatz!//
//kwatz!//
Friday, January 20, 2006
Politics
Okay, so I guess we have an election or something coming up, so I thought I would enter the foray. This is going to be the only time you will ever hear me wax political on this blog, at least inasfar as Canadian political parties are concerned.
My buddy Cortney passed this along...
Our Prime Minister in one of his better moments.
---
While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied Martin.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules. "And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his Dad, and thousands of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years---Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand, Pelletier, St Laurent etc. The whole of the "right" was there, everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants. 'They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Paul!"
"Uh, I can't drink anymore; I took a pledge," says Martin, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"
Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free Trade promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Martin steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Martin is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre Trudeau never prepared me for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Martin reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, kind of like Sudbury. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Martin, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank booze. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"
---
[snicker]
Paul Martin in hell...
[snicker]
My buddy Cortney passed this along...
Our Prime Minister in one of his better moments.
---
While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied Martin.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules. "And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his Dad, and thousands of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years---Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand, Pelletier, St Laurent etc. The whole of the "right" was there, everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants. 'They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Paul!"
"Uh, I can't drink anymore; I took a pledge," says Martin, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"
Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free Trade promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Martin steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Martin is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre Trudeau never prepared me for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Martin reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, kind of like Sudbury. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Martin, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank booze. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"
---
[snicker]
[snicker]
