Canticles of the Unhomed
Monday, November 21, 2005
An Answer
I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email. I love checking my email, etc.
So I got this email the other day. Actually, it was an email notification of a post on this blog. I love getting these emails. Normally. This time, the post was from someone who had visited my blog and read my post/rant about Lakewood Church in Houston, TX, and my rampant dislike/disrespect for Joel Osteen, the pastor of said church.
The link to that post is here.
The cool thing was that this post was from an ATTENDER of Lakewood. Uh oh, I thought. Then I read it. I have reproduced her comment here, since i am sure that anyone who reads my blog does read my entire archive before they read the newest post. Here she is, UNEDITED...
So I got this email the other day. Actually, it was an email notification of a post on this blog. I love getting these emails. Normally. This time, the post was from someone who had visited my blog and read my post/rant about Lakewood Church in Houston, TX, and my rampant dislike/disrespect for Joel Osteen, the pastor of said church.
The link to that post is here.
The cool thing was that this post was from an ATTENDER of Lakewood. Uh oh, I thought. Then I read it. I have reproduced her comment here, since i am sure that anyone who reads my blog does read my entire archive before they read the newest post. Here she is, UNEDITED...
"For the record, our sanctuary holds 16,000 seats not 57,000.
If you had seen the facility that we were in previously, holding 8,000 and bursting at the seams every weekend so much so that we had to have four weekend English services, you would understand the move.
Yes the facility is costing an estimated 75 Million dollars for renovations. Besides providing jobs, Lakewood does so much more.
Yes healthcare is an issue, but why doesn't anyone say anything about a basketball playing spending 5 Million dollars on a house just for himself. You are harping on a minister who no longer accepts a salary from his church.
While bashing this minister, did you happen to research the thousands of Lakewood volunteers who went to the Astrodome daily to assist in whatever capacity we could? Did you happen to research the millions of dollars we poured into the relief effort? Did you look into the fact that our former facility was used as a Katrina shelter? Or are you just focused on the fact that 75Million dollars was spent to renovate a church that draws in the unchurched by the masses and giving them a little more hope than they had before?
If we can spend millions of taxpayers money on SPORTS games, what is the problem is a church wants to spend millions of its own money [and money of those who willingly pledge] to affect change in its city and the lives of others.
Pick on those ministers who drive their bentleys, and have their helicopters, and don't pay taxes on their million dollar homes that they claim as church parishes [none of which are done by Joel].
If you had seen the facility that we were in previously, holding 8,000 and bursting at the seams every weekend so much so that we had to have four weekend English services, you would understand the move.
Yes the facility is costing an estimated 75 Million dollars for renovations. Besides providing jobs, Lakewood does so much more.
Yes healthcare is an issue, but why doesn't anyone say anything about a basketball playing spending 5 Million dollars on a house just for himself. You are harping on a minister who no longer accepts a salary from his church.
While bashing this minister, did you happen to research the thousands of Lakewood volunteers who went to the Astrodome daily to assist in whatever capacity we could? Did you happen to research the millions of dollars we poured into the relief effort? Did you look into the fact that our former facility was used as a Katrina shelter? Or are you just focused on the fact that 75Million dollars was spent to renovate a church that draws in the unchurched by the masses and giving them a little more hope than they had before?
If we can spend millions of taxpayers money on SPORTS games, what is the problem is a church wants to spend millions of its own money [and money of those who willingly pledge] to affect change in its city and the lives of others.
Pick on those ministers who drive their bentleys, and have their helicopters, and don't pay taxes on their million dollar homes that they claim as church parishes [none of which are done by Joel].
Okaaay... where do I begin? Might as well be systematic. Although, I will repeat here what I said in my original post, perhaps the part that Miss Krys did not read.
Let me just begin this rant by saying that I am sure that the Osteens are genuine Christians that love God and only want to do his work, and are accomplishing their calling the best way that they know how. I am confident that God is in their church, and that salvation can be found in their teaching, and that lives are being changed by their ministry that they are making a difference for the good in Houston. Also, I have never been to their church, talked to the Osteens, nor anyone from their church. I have visited their website, read some of their matierals, but that's it. Whew.
Now, back to it. She says, "For the record, our sanctuary holds 16,000 seats not 57,000."
"For the record," I was quoting the CNN article, and Joel himself during the interview, that 57,000 people had attended their opening service; now whether that was over a number of services, or a number of days, I don't know, but that was the number he said. Check out the video of the interview. That number is HIS, not mine. For the record.
"If you had seen the facility that we were in previously, holding 8,000 and bursting at the seams every weekend so much so that we had to have four weekend English services, you would understand the move." This is my favourite. The church was "bursting at the seams" with ONLY 8000 seatings and four services. Oh my. I guess you wouldn't want to, oh, I don't know... PLANT A NEW CHURCH, or anything like that. Nope. Gotta go bigger. I mean, you wouldn't want to spread the resources around a bit, allow new ideas and more creativity. That would be bad. Better to just pile everyone into a football stadium.
"...did you happen to research the thousands of Lakewood volunteers..." Nope, I didn't. Good on you though. Volunteering at your church is good, godly, and spiritually formative.
"Did you happen to research the millions of dollars we poured into the relief effort?" Nope, cause I wrote that post in July. The hurricanes hadn't happened yet.
"Did you look into the fact that our former facility was used as a Katrina shelter?" Uh... nooo... are we just not familar with the whole idea of the spacetime continuum, that events happen in a sequence, and that events usually have to happen BEFORE you write about it? I mean, I'm no prophet like Joel... (now, that was a bit offside now, wasn't it?)
"Or are you just focused on the fact that 75Million dollars was spent to renovate a church that draws in the unchurched by the masses and giving them a little more hope than they had before?" Yep. Pretty much. Ask Kelly how much good that 75 million could have done in the Sudan. Or Indonesia. Or Mexico. Or the Ukraine. Or Brazil. Or maybe, just f*$#ing maybe the streets of Houston, or Washington DC or Chicago or New York, or Los Angeles. Maybe you should go to the five year old orphan living in GARBAGE in Manila and tell her about the fancy building. I'm sure she would really love it. Or maybe talk to Shirley, who was in Ethiopia, immunizing children; she might have some ideas about how 75 million dollars could be spent. Or maybe you should talk to Ruth Hussein, the Iraqi widow, whose husband was shot to death in a Christian bookstore. I'm sure she'll have a lot to say about hope. Or maybe talk to John Cardinal who lives on the streets of Edmonton, who has to beg for food due to a combination of mental illness, bureaocratic red tape and hopelessness. I'm sure he'll agree that the money was well spent, that is, if he even cares. Its pretty hard to care about church buildings when you're starving. How about all the missionary organizations that barely scrape together tiny budgets to build houses, create adequate drinking water sources, buy medication, and so on. Perhaps you should talk to the folks over at the Coalition for the Homeless of Houston/Harris County. They might have some use for 75 million dollars. By the way, according to Joel, the number, including the purchase price, was $91,000,000. I could go on.
"If we can spend millions of taxpayers money on SPORTS games, what is the problem is a church wants to spend millions of its own money [and money of those who willingly pledge] to affect change in its city and the lives of others." See previous paragraph.
Alright, that's enough. I think I'm starting to get a little mean-spirited. (Starting?)
It comes back to the question of mission. What are we here for? To hoard money and then buy/build/renovate lavish buildings that only serve to further alienate us from the hurting people that are already around us? Safe hidey holes where we can go and pat ourselves on the back, listen to inspiring messages and lift our hands and sway ecstatically to incredible music? Nice, good-smelling places were the rough, bad-smelling people won't/can't go? I seem to remember Jesus kicking over tables in places like that.
I'm sorry, I just can't help but get emotional about this. I work with Habitat for Humanity; I have met the families that can barely afford to RENT, let alone own a house. I work with UNICEF. I have worked with food banks and homeless shelters. I have built houses and dug wells. There are several times 57,000 or 18,000 or whatever, children who will starve in the next month or so, under the age of five. How DARE we defend our entitlement, our avarice, our affluence, when those lives will be snuffed out without us here in North America even noticing? How DARE we when people will die TONIGHT on the streets of our own cities while we fall asleep in front of our TV's watching Desperate Housewives? I count myself CHIEF among these sinners. I am no better.
I will pray for Joel and Victoria. Not because I pity them, or disagree with them. We are on the same side. They wield TREMENDOUS power and influence, more than I ever will in my life, even if you take all that I have ever had and ever will and add it together. I will pray that they wield it thoughtfully, prayerfully, and with as much Christ-likeness as possible.
Friday, November 18, 2005
A Song
I am such a moron. I just discovered Dave Matthews. I am always so musically retarded. Anyway...
I hope you are listening...
Where Are You Going?
Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?
Don’t hide away, like an ocean
But you can’t see, but you can... smell
And the sound of waves crashing down
I am no superman, not at all
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero; oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I wannna be
Where are you going? where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me
Until a brighter day and you're OK
I am no superman
and I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that's for sure
But I do know one thing is
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going? Where do you go?
Where do you go? Where are you going?
Where do you go?
I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero; oh that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I want to be
Where are you going? Where do you go?
It hurts when I listen to this song, but its a good hurt, if such a thing is possible. Dave Matthews... what the heck?
I hope you are listening...
Where Are You Going?
Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?
Don’t hide away, like an ocean
But you can’t see, but you can... smell
And the sound of waves crashing down
I am no superman, not at all
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero; oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I wannna be
Where are you going? where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me
Until a brighter day and you're OK
I am no superman
and I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that's for sure
But I do know one thing is
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going? Where do you go?
Where do you go? Where are you going?
Where do you go?
I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero; oh that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I want to be
Where are you going? Where do you go?
It hurts when I listen to this song, but its a good hurt, if such a thing is possible. Dave Matthews... what the heck?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Community Health Plan
Okay.
I am detecting a growing sentiment suggesting that I am not taking my illness seriously; either as means of denial or selfishness. My laissez faire attitude has some people concerned that I don't really care if I'm around much longer. They are concerned that I am not doing all I should to ensure my continued struggle on this mortal coil. Perhaps.
The truth is that I feel no real strong self-preservation instinct. It is beginning to appear... unseemly to so desperately cling to a life that I am not really meant for in the first place. Consider, to live is Christ, to die is gain. Never have I so profoundly nor prolifically considered Philippians 1:21-25. I have never really considered this passage all that deeply. Paul says,
"For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live. I am convinced of this, so I will continue with you so that you will grow and experience the joy of your faith..."
I was meditating on this passage this afternoon in our chapel, and it made me weep. As I read those words I felt the full weight of my thirty years here, the weight of the man of death that I carry, the weight of all the struggle, toil and torment in this metaphorical suit three sizes too small. I felt it, and it was real. "... living is for Christ, and dying is even better..." To be free; finally, forever, and utterly free, to return to my one and only home, and simply to rest in the embrace of my Master, rest like my soul has longed for and cried for... I have to admit, in that moment I looked with tearful anticipation upon the failure of my liver, and saw it as a liberator. I saw a gap in the walls of my prison, and my heart soared. To be free of my sin, and its consequences, the broken relationships, the lies, the petty fustrations and spiteful angers. How could anyone not look upon that with hope?
"... but it is better for you that I live. I am convinced of this, so I will continue with you..." What did I say before? That I knew from long ago that my life is not my own? I live within community; a community that loves me, and of whom I am a living part. I have said on many occaisions that these people own me. God has called me to these people. Do I perceive a release from that calling? No. So how do these coexist?
So well I understand Paul's words, "... I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ..."
There is a real issue for community here, something I am going to have to figure out. Its more than just whether I live or die. Ultimately, that is God's hands alone, he will do as he jolly well wants to.
The question that I put to all of you is, how do we as a community respond to this, and how do I, as a leader and participant in this community respond to it? Do we force me to adopt a strict vegetarian diet and a rigourous exercise schedule, while making me sleep for twelve hours a day? Do I need to focus more or less on my disease, "take it more seriously?"
The problem is, I am perfectly at peace with my illness. There are moments of fear, but that's normal and healthy to fear death. But mostly, I am at peace. I am happy with the life I have led, and I am content with my accomplishments. I am not without regrets, but I have lived a full, adventurous life, in most cases more than any man could ask for. That being said, there is still much left for me to do, but to this point, I'm okay with the path my life has taken, more or less. Trust me, over the past weeks of dealing with this illness, considering the path your life has taken takes up a fair bit of your time. God has granted me alot of joy, love and beauty. I have seen things that would thrill anyone. If I go, then I can go content that God has given me more than my fair share. Likewise, I would really like to live. There are many things that I have yet to experience, that I really would like to. I'd like to publish a few more books, I would like to see the House evolve into something yet to be discovered, I would like to be standing around when God touches a few more people, I would like to hug the people that I have missed for so long and laugh in their arms, I would like to kiss my one, true love. All these things are in my future, and I would really like to see them. The funny thing is that all these things WILL happen, if there is enough time. But, either way, I am content. My Master has been kind to me thus far, and he will continue to be undeservedly kind to me. My Master's favour will rest on me whether he calls me to rest or to toil. I have no reason, nor desire, to complain.
I am sorry if that peace has appeared as apathy or resignation.
I am detecting a growing sentiment suggesting that I am not taking my illness seriously; either as means of denial or selfishness. My laissez faire attitude has some people concerned that I don't really care if I'm around much longer. They are concerned that I am not doing all I should to ensure my continued struggle on this mortal coil. Perhaps.
The truth is that I feel no real strong self-preservation instinct. It is beginning to appear... unseemly to so desperately cling to a life that I am not really meant for in the first place. Consider, to live is Christ, to die is gain. Never have I so profoundly nor prolifically considered Philippians 1:21-25. I have never really considered this passage all that deeply. Paul says,
"For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live. I am convinced of this, so I will continue with you so that you will grow and experience the joy of your faith..."
I was meditating on this passage this afternoon in our chapel, and it made me weep. As I read those words I felt the full weight of my thirty years here, the weight of the man of death that I carry, the weight of all the struggle, toil and torment in this metaphorical suit three sizes too small. I felt it, and it was real. "... living is for Christ, and dying is even better..." To be free; finally, forever, and utterly free, to return to my one and only home, and simply to rest in the embrace of my Master, rest like my soul has longed for and cried for... I have to admit, in that moment I looked with tearful anticipation upon the failure of my liver, and saw it as a liberator. I saw a gap in the walls of my prison, and my heart soared. To be free of my sin, and its consequences, the broken relationships, the lies, the petty fustrations and spiteful angers. How could anyone not look upon that with hope?
"... but it is better for you that I live. I am convinced of this, so I will continue with you..." What did I say before? That I knew from long ago that my life is not my own? I live within community; a community that loves me, and of whom I am a living part. I have said on many occaisions that these people own me. God has called me to these people. Do I perceive a release from that calling? No. So how do these coexist?
So well I understand Paul's words, "... I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ..."
There is a real issue for community here, something I am going to have to figure out. Its more than just whether I live or die. Ultimately, that is God's hands alone, he will do as he jolly well wants to.
The question that I put to all of you is, how do we as a community respond to this, and how do I, as a leader and participant in this community respond to it? Do we force me to adopt a strict vegetarian diet and a rigourous exercise schedule, while making me sleep for twelve hours a day? Do I need to focus more or less on my disease, "take it more seriously?"
The problem is, I am perfectly at peace with my illness. There are moments of fear, but that's normal and healthy to fear death. But mostly, I am at peace. I am happy with the life I have led, and I am content with my accomplishments. I am not without regrets, but I have lived a full, adventurous life, in most cases more than any man could ask for. That being said, there is still much left for me to do, but to this point, I'm okay with the path my life has taken, more or less. Trust me, over the past weeks of dealing with this illness, considering the path your life has taken takes up a fair bit of your time. God has granted me alot of joy, love and beauty. I have seen things that would thrill anyone. If I go, then I can go content that God has given me more than my fair share. Likewise, I would really like to live. There are many things that I have yet to experience, that I really would like to. I'd like to publish a few more books, I would like to see the House evolve into something yet to be discovered, I would like to be standing around when God touches a few more people, I would like to hug the people that I have missed for so long and laugh in their arms, I would like to kiss my one, true love. All these things are in my future, and I would really like to see them. The funny thing is that all these things WILL happen, if there is enough time. But, either way, I am content. My Master has been kind to me thus far, and he will continue to be undeservedly kind to me. My Master's favour will rest on me whether he calls me to rest or to toil. I have no reason, nor desire, to complain.
I am sorry if that peace has appeared as apathy or resignation.
Friday, November 04, 2005
More Good News
So I went back to the Butcher today.
I have been feeling uniformly bad for awhile, and his constant poking and prodding, and blood-letting has been taking alot out of me. However, this time he lets me know that my spleen is still enlarged, and from the look of my blood work, there's a chance that it might be inflamed and/or infected. He wasn't quite clear. Also from my blood work he is now worried about my liver in a more direct sense, and he wants to do a liver biopsy. He says there is a way to do it without an incision, but I think he's just suckering me into something.
This is the best part. He suggested to me today that I should make "emergency arrangements." In other words, if I crash, or my liver suddenly shuts down, or some other sudden problem with my plumbing occurs, that I would have people informed as to what to do, and who to inform, etc, etc. So, the idea is that I let everyone at the House know what to do and who to call should they find me unconcious (from something other than extreme exhaustion or beer) or if I should collapse. Nice.
So explain to me why I SHOULDN'T hate doctors?
Sorry if I sound dramatic. Perhaps I am just a drama queen. :)
IN OTHER NON-HEALTH-RELATED NEWS...
Went to the Evangelical Free Church district conference last weekend. Most of you have probably already read Chuck's blog, and know this already, but I will say this anyway.
That's right, last weekend Mack, Charity and I ventured into the north to the town of Lac La Biche and got warm and cozy with the rest of our EFCC brethern... and sisteren.
It was a great conference. This time, no one called us a pseudo-catholic cult, or accuse me of watering down the gospel, or of being a hated liberal.
In all, everyone was very welcoming, very loving, and very supportive. I got a chance to meet and connect with the other church planters in our district, and I think that Ron, Kevin and I will be getting along VERY well. I got to meet the pastors from our more established churches, and found some really good fellowship. Even if Marvin Penner and I have now been labeled the token mystics. As I talked to these guys I realized that the E Free denomination is going to be a really great fit for us. There is alot of people in our denomination that think like us, and they give us the freedom to find our own way, but at the same time offer the maturity and wisdom that us young whippersnappers sometimes lack. Although, I think they were expecting me to be a bit more... serious than I was.
I look at this denominational affiliation and I am very happy. I could not think of a better denomination to be part of; just the right combination of hands-off and hands-on. And if anyone knows about hands-on and hands-off, its me.
We are slowly building a foundation. I am happy to see the progress, not just administratively, but relationally twixt the members of the House, and our willingness to take the next step. I am still struggling with thinking about the House in the terms of a normal church, with attendence, programs, and the such. I need to keep reminding myself that the House is something else altogether, and that I cannot continue to judge our progress or lack thereof by the standard of what I have been taught. The truth is, only God knows the standard. I just wish he would give me some kind of a clue...
Anway, that's enough for tonight. I am tired, and i have a biopsy to mull over incessantly, robbing me from sleep.
I have been feeling uniformly bad for awhile, and his constant poking and prodding, and blood-letting has been taking alot out of me. However, this time he lets me know that my spleen is still enlarged, and from the look of my blood work, there's a chance that it might be inflamed and/or infected. He wasn't quite clear. Also from my blood work he is now worried about my liver in a more direct sense, and he wants to do a liver biopsy. He says there is a way to do it without an incision, but I think he's just suckering me into something.
This is the best part. He suggested to me today that I should make "emergency arrangements." In other words, if I crash, or my liver suddenly shuts down, or some other sudden problem with my plumbing occurs, that I would have people informed as to what to do, and who to inform, etc, etc. So, the idea is that I let everyone at the House know what to do and who to call should they find me unconcious (from something other than extreme exhaustion or beer) or if I should collapse. Nice.
So explain to me why I SHOULDN'T hate doctors?
Sorry if I sound dramatic. Perhaps I am just a drama queen. :)
IN OTHER NON-HEALTH-RELATED NEWS...
Went to the Evangelical Free Church district conference last weekend. Most of you have probably already read Chuck's blog, and know this already, but I will say this anyway.
THE HOUSE IS NOW AN OFFICIAL EVANGELICAL FREE CHURCH!
That's right, last weekend Mack, Charity and I ventured into the north to the town of Lac La Biche and got warm and cozy with the rest of our EFCC brethern... and sisteren.
It was a great conference. This time, no one called us a pseudo-catholic cult, or accuse me of watering down the gospel, or of being a hated liberal.
In all, everyone was very welcoming, very loving, and very supportive. I got a chance to meet and connect with the other church planters in our district, and I think that Ron, Kevin and I will be getting along VERY well. I got to meet the pastors from our more established churches, and found some really good fellowship. Even if Marvin Penner and I have now been labeled the token mystics. As I talked to these guys I realized that the E Free denomination is going to be a really great fit for us. There is alot of people in our denomination that think like us, and they give us the freedom to find our own way, but at the same time offer the maturity and wisdom that us young whippersnappers sometimes lack. Although, I think they were expecting me to be a bit more... serious than I was.
I look at this denominational affiliation and I am very happy. I could not think of a better denomination to be part of; just the right combination of hands-off and hands-on. And if anyone knows about hands-on and hands-off, its me.
We are slowly building a foundation. I am happy to see the progress, not just administratively, but relationally twixt the members of the House, and our willingness to take the next step. I am still struggling with thinking about the House in the terms of a normal church, with attendence, programs, and the such. I need to keep reminding myself that the House is something else altogether, and that I cannot continue to judge our progress or lack thereof by the standard of what I have been taught. The truth is, only God knows the standard. I just wish he would give me some kind of a clue...
Anway, that's enough for tonight. I am tired, and i have a biopsy to mull over incessantly, robbing me from sleep.
