Canticles of the Unhomed
Monday, February 28, 2005
Pitstop
Feb 17th, hey? It's been that long since my last post? Wow.
So much has happened, I don't know exactly how to relate it all.
I have officially left Sol Cafe. After the leadership stepped down, it was plain to me that the future shape and direction of Sol Cafe was not an environment in which I could serve and be fed. That is not to say that I am angry at the community for choosing that direction. It is one that I disagree with and that does not fit me, and thus I could not be a part of it. All that is true, but it was the goal of the leadership from the beginning to help the community find a vision and a direction. It just so happens that the one they found was not one that we could agree with. It is difficult to maintain that separation: that I am leaving without anger, but nonetheless disagree fairly fundamentally with what was happening. For me, and this is what gives me peace, is that this does not have to place our relationships at stake. Leaving Sol Cafe does not mean that I sever all ties with the people there. In fact, I could say that it will only help my relationships because there will no longer be that contention between us. But it is difficult.
As I look at the past few months at the Sol Cafe, I am compelled to look at the fruit of my actions and belief, and the fruit of the entire situation. One of the fruits that I see with alarming clarity is that between last night and two weeks ago, thirteen people of the thirty or so that call Sol Cafe home have left. That troubles me. I would like to think that I have had little to do with people's decisions, but I cannot be sure of that. However, I know each of those people that have left, and they left not because they were called elsewhere, or that they had been ministered to and was sent out; they left because they were powerfully and deeply hurt by what happened at that church. This makes my soul mourn. This makes me wonder exactly what was the nature of what happened. What is at work in Sol Cafe that would produce this, beyond the average atrocities all human beings are prone to by the nature of their sinful natures? I don't know the answer to that. Perhaps the better question is, what have I done that contributed to this, or has produced this? What is going on? I just don't know how to answer this. I just don't know.
So, having officially left Sol Cafe - Sunday was my last there - I am forced to consider now what baggage I now bring with me. It would be the greatest folly to just say that leaving Sol Cafe makes everything okay. Granted, I feel so much less burdened, and I am now sleeping well at nights, and I am excited about the direction and vision that God has given me. But, there is still some anger there, some hurt, and feelings of rejection. It is difficult to say that I can keep these feelings separate, and to be aware of this baggage and to not allow it to influence my decisions. It is SO difficult.
So the future? Well, I and some others believe that God has given us a vision to create a particular type of community. We call it The House. I know, some other.... groups maybe thinking about using that name, but I think it applies so much better to us. :) In any case, this is pretty much what the house will look like: a bunch of us, probably three couples or so will buy a house together, and live there. That community will form the basis from which the Sunday nite will grow. The community that we gather around ourselves will use the space for a variety of things throughout the week, and will use the space to hang out, to meet people, and just to be. For example, if you have a Thursday off, instead of just spending it at home, you come to the House and spend that time there, or if you have an evening free, you come here. Instead of just staying at home and only meeting with people once a week or something like that, there is a continual interaction; even if you come to the House to do homework on a Wednesday night. We see this a community living together on an ongoing basis, rather than just meeting together on Sunday and maybe one other time a week. It starts to be become lives lived in common.
There's so much more to be said - about Sol Cafe, about the House, and so on, but I just don't where to begin. So, I guess this is a start. There will be more later. Perhaps using my blog as a medium to write about this will help me process what has happened at Sol Cafe and will help me better articulate the House.
So much has happened, I don't know exactly how to relate it all.
I have officially left Sol Cafe. After the leadership stepped down, it was plain to me that the future shape and direction of Sol Cafe was not an environment in which I could serve and be fed. That is not to say that I am angry at the community for choosing that direction. It is one that I disagree with and that does not fit me, and thus I could not be a part of it. All that is true, but it was the goal of the leadership from the beginning to help the community find a vision and a direction. It just so happens that the one they found was not one that we could agree with. It is difficult to maintain that separation: that I am leaving without anger, but nonetheless disagree fairly fundamentally with what was happening. For me, and this is what gives me peace, is that this does not have to place our relationships at stake. Leaving Sol Cafe does not mean that I sever all ties with the people there. In fact, I could say that it will only help my relationships because there will no longer be that contention between us. But it is difficult.
As I look at the past few months at the Sol Cafe, I am compelled to look at the fruit of my actions and belief, and the fruit of the entire situation. One of the fruits that I see with alarming clarity is that between last night and two weeks ago, thirteen people of the thirty or so that call Sol Cafe home have left. That troubles me. I would like to think that I have had little to do with people's decisions, but I cannot be sure of that. However, I know each of those people that have left, and they left not because they were called elsewhere, or that they had been ministered to and was sent out; they left because they were powerfully and deeply hurt by what happened at that church. This makes my soul mourn. This makes me wonder exactly what was the nature of what happened. What is at work in Sol Cafe that would produce this, beyond the average atrocities all human beings are prone to by the nature of their sinful natures? I don't know the answer to that. Perhaps the better question is, what have I done that contributed to this, or has produced this? What is going on? I just don't know how to answer this. I just don't know.
So, having officially left Sol Cafe - Sunday was my last there - I am forced to consider now what baggage I now bring with me. It would be the greatest folly to just say that leaving Sol Cafe makes everything okay. Granted, I feel so much less burdened, and I am now sleeping well at nights, and I am excited about the direction and vision that God has given me. But, there is still some anger there, some hurt, and feelings of rejection. It is difficult to say that I can keep these feelings separate, and to be aware of this baggage and to not allow it to influence my decisions. It is SO difficult.
So the future? Well, I and some others believe that God has given us a vision to create a particular type of community. We call it The House. I know, some other.... groups maybe thinking about using that name, but I think it applies so much better to us. :) In any case, this is pretty much what the house will look like: a bunch of us, probably three couples or so will buy a house together, and live there. That community will form the basis from which the Sunday nite will grow. The community that we gather around ourselves will use the space for a variety of things throughout the week, and will use the space to hang out, to meet people, and just to be. For example, if you have a Thursday off, instead of just spending it at home, you come to the House and spend that time there, or if you have an evening free, you come here. Instead of just staying at home and only meeting with people once a week or something like that, there is a continual interaction; even if you come to the House to do homework on a Wednesday night. We see this a community living together on an ongoing basis, rather than just meeting together on Sunday and maybe one other time a week. It starts to be become lives lived in common.
There's so much more to be said - about Sol Cafe, about the House, and so on, but I just don't where to begin. So, I guess this is a start. There will be more later. Perhaps using my blog as a medium to write about this will help me process what has happened at Sol Cafe and will help me better articulate the House.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Edmonton Restaurants
Here's a good resource for those of you in Edmonton looking for a good place to eat.
Edmonton Restaurants
Thanks to Steve.
Edmonton Restaurants
Thanks to Steve.
So, As I Was Saying...
So, as I was saying about the sequel...
Erasmus and his brother Charlemagne is sent out to hunt down their brothers, which they do with startling efficiency. After which, they are then sent out to fight this other threat. The core of Erasmus' flaws center around his guilt for the actions of his brothers. He feels responsible for their actions, and feels a powerful compulsion to make amends for what they have done. This translates into his everyday life as an almost compulsive need to always do the right thing, to have the right motives, and to sacrifice himself. He understands that he was created as a weapon, and he loathes that; he despises his skills as a warrior and thus has absoletely no peace. I then surround him with characters that reflect different ways that he tries to deal with this, and his own search for peace. Of course this turmoil translates to conflict as Erasmus struggles with his warlike nature and his desire for peace and tranquility, while nonetheless feeling utterly compelled, because of his genetics, to serve the Confederation in the very role he hates, and with every battle he fights, he begins to feel his humanity slipping away, and he starts to realize that he is more like his brothers than unlike, and that he is entirely capable of the atrocities that they committed. And the end... does Erasmus find release from his dark nature? Does he find some way to master it, or does he succumb like his brothers? Can Erasmus find peace, atonement, and redemption?
I don't know. What do you guys think?
Erasmus and his brother Charlemagne is sent out to hunt down their brothers, which they do with startling efficiency. After which, they are then sent out to fight this other threat. The core of Erasmus' flaws center around his guilt for the actions of his brothers. He feels responsible for their actions, and feels a powerful compulsion to make amends for what they have done. This translates into his everyday life as an almost compulsive need to always do the right thing, to have the right motives, and to sacrifice himself. He understands that he was created as a weapon, and he loathes that; he despises his skills as a warrior and thus has absoletely no peace. I then surround him with characters that reflect different ways that he tries to deal with this, and his own search for peace. Of course this turmoil translates to conflict as Erasmus struggles with his warlike nature and his desire for peace and tranquility, while nonetheless feeling utterly compelled, because of his genetics, to serve the Confederation in the very role he hates, and with every battle he fights, he begins to feel his humanity slipping away, and he starts to realize that he is more like his brothers than unlike, and that he is entirely capable of the atrocities that they committed. And the end... does Erasmus find release from his dark nature? Does he find some way to master it, or does he succumb like his brothers? Can Erasmus find peace, atonement, and redemption?
I don't know. What do you guys think?
The Future.... Today
Check this out:
Google Takes Over the Universe
Kind of a interesting take on the future of the internet.
Google Takes Over the Universe
Kind of a interesting take on the future of the internet.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Movement
So Fido has caved. Mwahahahaha! That's right - I took on the faceless corporation and I decimated them. I crushed them beneath my heel. They reactivated my OLD phone for FREE and gave me a $20.00 credit for my trouble. See just goes to show you that you CAN fight the man. :)
Got a call back from IKON. After telling me "no," they called a couple of days later, and told me that a position was open, and asked if I could come in for another interview. That was Thursday - then they told me that I should know by Monday. On Tuesday they emailed me and asked me for references. So here I sit. I will be surprised if I hear from them before Friday.
I hurt my back again. It was stupid. I was at Shirley's place on Sunday night after church, and I think I pulled something. The good news is that I can still put on socks, take a shower, get in and out of bed, and use the bathroom without impediment.Those are all things by which I gauge my back injuries, so on a scale of 1-10, where my last one, in September was about 8-9, this is about 1.5.
I think I have a new lease on the Sequel. Previously I have been avoiding using the same template as the first novel: finding a main character, giving him flaws, and then surrounding him with characters that reflect those flaws and represent some part of the main character's journey, while telling the story from the perspective of the other characters and leaving the reader to piece it all together. According to my publisher that was the strength of the first novel, and what gave it its "originality." I resisted using that same template because I wanted to do something new, and explore a new style. But what I am learning is that it is acceptable for a writer to have a stylistic format and to keep to it, as long as there is sufficient variation to offset predictability. So, in lieu of writing this blasted thing a sixth time, I will replicate the template. This time, Erasmus is the main character, one of eight genetically engineered supermen designed and bred to fight a terrible enemy. However, when his brothers decide to take over the galaxy, he is forced to hunt them down. More to come.
Got a call back from IKON. After telling me "no," they called a couple of days later, and told me that a position was open, and asked if I could come in for another interview. That was Thursday - then they told me that I should know by Monday. On Tuesday they emailed me and asked me for references. So here I sit. I will be surprised if I hear from them before Friday.
I hurt my back again. It was stupid. I was at Shirley's place on Sunday night after church, and I think I pulled something. The good news is that I can still put on socks, take a shower, get in and out of bed, and use the bathroom without impediment.Those are all things by which I gauge my back injuries, so on a scale of 1-10, where my last one, in September was about 8-9, this is about 1.5.
I think I have a new lease on the Sequel. Previously I have been avoiding using the same template as the first novel: finding a main character, giving him flaws, and then surrounding him with characters that reflect those flaws and represent some part of the main character's journey, while telling the story from the perspective of the other characters and leaving the reader to piece it all together. According to my publisher that was the strength of the first novel, and what gave it its "originality." I resisted using that same template because I wanted to do something new, and explore a new style. But what I am learning is that it is acceptable for a writer to have a stylistic format and to keep to it, as long as there is sufficient variation to offset predictability. So, in lieu of writing this blasted thing a sixth time, I will replicate the template. This time, Erasmus is the main character, one of eight genetically engineered supermen designed and bred to fight a terrible enemy. However, when his brothers decide to take over the galaxy, he is forced to hunt them down. More to come.
Friday, February 11, 2005
This is the final version of the cover of my book. Wicked sick graphics by Adam Dreher.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Here We Go Again
So I didn't get the Ikon job. "Due to expense constraints hiring has been frozen," was the official response, though they told me that things should open up again in the future and they would "reach out" to me. Blah, blah, blah. Oh well.
Still fighting with Fido. Today they told me that according to their records my original phone (which I found) no longer exists in their system and is listed as "destroyed." Therefore I have to activate the new phone, which they demand that I pay the insurance deductible for, even though I am holding a perfectly good, intact phone in my hand at this very moment. Have no fear. They WILL submit to my will.
Talked to my editor today. She thought that the 5000 words "showed promise, but lacked the drive and passion of the first installment." No shit. She wasn't thrilled about my idea to start over again, but I think she realized that what I had just wasn't cutting the mustard. I think the problem is that the original is primarily character-driven, while this sequel was going to be plot-driven. The latter is okay, but then it turns very much into just another generic science-fiction story a la any of a hundred Star Trek novels. The problem is that I could just replicate the structure of the first novel - a central, flawed character surrounded by several foils that reflect different aspects of the central character's conflict. But that's been done. I don't know - I'll need to think about it some more.
I am trying very hard not to think about Sunday. Everything is pretty much set, and I think it is just in God's hands now. I, personally, have done all that I can. I just need to rest now.
Still fighting with Fido. Today they told me that according to their records my original phone (which I found) no longer exists in their system and is listed as "destroyed." Therefore I have to activate the new phone, which they demand that I pay the insurance deductible for, even though I am holding a perfectly good, intact phone in my hand at this very moment. Have no fear. They WILL submit to my will.
Talked to my editor today. She thought that the 5000 words "showed promise, but lacked the drive and passion of the first installment." No shit. She wasn't thrilled about my idea to start over again, but I think she realized that what I had just wasn't cutting the mustard. I think the problem is that the original is primarily character-driven, while this sequel was going to be plot-driven. The latter is okay, but then it turns very much into just another generic science-fiction story a la any of a hundred Star Trek novels. The problem is that I could just replicate the structure of the first novel - a central, flawed character surrounded by several foils that reflect different aspects of the central character's conflict. But that's been done. I don't know - I'll need to think about it some more.
I am trying very hard not to think about Sunday. Everything is pretty much set, and I think it is just in God's hands now. I, personally, have done all that I can. I just need to rest now.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Uhhh... Me Make Words... Good
I am so blocked. I can barely string a sentence together, let alone create anything worthwhile, which explains my lack of blogging. This is disappointing, since enjoy the discipline of writing a blog everyday.
Notice below the working cover of my book. Looks freakin' amazing.Props out to Adam Dreher, to whom I now owe my first born child.
As for news - got my cell phone back, but Fido is being stupid. I actually found the original and tried to tell them I no longer need a new one, but they insist on still sending a new one and refuses to reactivate the old one and still expects to be paid for the new one. No worries though, I have gone head to head with cell phone companies before. They WILL submit to me.
I am STILL waiting to hear about the Ikon job. I was supposed to hear today, but they told me now that I should know by the end of the week. So I wait...
This Sunday is the big Sol Cafe throw-down. Again, I am cautiously optimistic, though committed. We'll see what happens.
So the short story is done, and I got my 5000 words to my editor by the deadline. The short is really good, but the 5000 words of the sequel is ALL shyte. I think I will need to start over. Again. The key is finding the the story that still needs to be told. All stories generate another story - it is just finding that story that will be the hard part.
Lent is beginning, and I am trying to think about how I will celebrate.
Notice below the working cover of my book. Looks freakin' amazing.Props out to Adam Dreher, to whom I now owe my first born child.
As for news - got my cell phone back, but Fido is being stupid. I actually found the original and tried to tell them I no longer need a new one, but they insist on still sending a new one and refuses to reactivate the old one and still expects to be paid for the new one. No worries though, I have gone head to head with cell phone companies before. They WILL submit to me.
I am STILL waiting to hear about the Ikon job. I was supposed to hear today, but they told me now that I should know by the end of the week. So I wait...
This Sunday is the big Sol Cafe throw-down. Again, I am cautiously optimistic, though committed. We'll see what happens.
So the short story is done, and I got my 5000 words to my editor by the deadline. The short is really good, but the 5000 words of the sequel is ALL shyte. I think I will need to start over. Again. The key is finding the the story that still needs to be told. All stories generate another story - it is just finding that story that will be the hard part.
Lent is beginning, and I am trying to think about how I will celebrate.
This is the current working cover for my book - wicked sick graphics by Adam Dreher.
